Our Noisy Life

I felt fed

2012-02-03T16:28:00.000-06:00

I have had a rough month.

Actually, it's been a rough 7 months.

I won't share what's been going on because it's all still getting sorted out. I have lately found myself physically exhausted, emotionally drained and parched with thirst for I don't know what. Do you ever feel that way sometimes? You know, where there are circumstances in life you cannot change, or crossroads that seem perplex and confusing, or moments where you feel no one really understands you. Or maybe your heart just hurts.

You find yourself running an errand and you tear up. You push your child in the swing on a beautiful day and tears stream down. Or perhaps moments where you are just angry at the Lord so you turn up the volume to Katy Perry's Firework so that maybe, for a split second, you can actually feel like a firework. Or maybe you just dive into a book to forget reality or turn on the tv to watch an episode of Modern Family to laugh off the stresses of life. Or maybe you attempt in a humble spirit to actually touch the Lord but then condemn yourself for doing all the above instead of coming to Him as the Fountain of living waters.

Yeah. That's me.

So, I came to my end yesterday. I decided it was time to open up the Bible to catch up with my daily reading. I read Matthew chapters 20-22. Nothing special popped out. The clouds did not part and I did not hear His speaking, well, not in that way at least.

But a little miracle happened.

I was happy while driving to pick up my kindergartner.

I felt fed.

I was satisfied.

The Lord met my need, whatever it was, and I knew it was because of the Word of God.

So go ahead, open the Bible and let Him meet your need.

Hello Again

2011-10-12T20:56:00.000-05:00

Goodbye

2011-06-27T12:52:00.000-05:00

Dear Friends,

I will no longer be blogging nor reading blogs. Sad, I know, but actually it's a good thing, a very good thing. Being unplugged in Fiji and the week after I got home was very good for me.

If you would like to keep in touch and know about the noisy life of the Yu clan, call me, facebook me (not my favorite choice of keeping in touch) or please just visit me. I have decided I like phone calls and face to face time better than the world wide web. The internet should never replace real life friendships/relationships. It is worth investing time to call someone to catch up, or drive on over to see how someone is really doing or even write a real letter! Imagine that.

I will keep this URL active just in case I change my mind, but that won't be anytime soon.

I appreciate the new friends I have made through the blog world, but it's time for me to say goodbye.

Vanessa Yu

My Weekly Reads

2011-05-11T16:03:00.000-05:00

These adorable cuties have nothing to do with the post, but every post has got to have a picture or two, right?

I just want to share some great posts of some of the blogs I read weekly. They are either helpful, informative, fun or piqued my fancy and thought you might like them as well.

My Husband's blog: How he won our anticipated Fiji trip.
I would just like to add that I wish, so wish, he blogged regularly. My other half is hilarious, smart, and has opinions and stories worth sharing. He seriously needs to consider adding a dose of the giggles to his readers' lives--frequently. You got that dear?

My friend Hannah: this post is the best one about being a new mom
I've known Hannah since I was 17 years old. We go way back. Every time I watch the move Airplane, I think of her :-)

My crafty friend Melanie: Do you need some inspiration to make a homemade card? She's got you covered! She designs rubber stamps and is a great friend. She introduced me to lavender lattes and Copics.

Savory Sweet Life: This blog has great recipes and AMAZING food photography. This recipe is a keeper and I love to make it! I think you should try it too.

My friend Nicole: This post is great! This girl knows how to make me laugh. I sure do miss her here in Austin.

Between You and Me: The story of adopting their daughter. I cried. I think Tara and I would be friends in real life. I love everything about her style and outlook on life.

30 Bucks a Week: This recipe made me run out and buy red quinoa. Tina and her husband have helped me explore the world of eating vegetarian and spending less at the grocery store. I still eat meat though.

Last one. . .

Simple Kids: Isn't this the coolest writing kit ever? Love it! We all need simplicity in our lives. Period. The end.

Fiji Here I Come!

2011-05-09T21:18:00.000-05:00

We leave for Fiji in June, and I can't wait!

I just need the month of May to whiz by, which it will, because every weekend is jam packed with activities and trips (we will be going here with friends and here for a church conference). I've also been forcing myself (with kids in tow) to hit the gym to tone this jiggly body of mine so that I won't feel terribly uncomfortable in the swimsuit. Oh the dreaded swimsuit!

I have also reacquainted myself with the pavement. I have taken up running again and hoping to fit back into my size 6 jeans again. Now, will that really happen? Probably not since birthing my two kids changed my bone structure in the mid-section-seriously! My hips stick out wider than ever and it's not a good thing, trust me. So those size 6 jeans have no chance on sliding up past the hips, but a girl can hope, right?

I've been thinking about what I want to do on our private island. People keep asking what are you two going to do an entire week on a private island? Um, yeah, how do I answer that one?

We are going to be childless. We are going to be alone. We are going to be detached from the over stimulation of technology. It's just me and my beloved other half. So let me tell you what we are going to do.

We are going to reconnect gosh darn it!
We are going to have long conversations about a lot of things without interruptions.
We are going to spend some serious quality time together.
We are going to do NOTHING! Oh that word just makes me so excited. I haven't done "nothing" in quite some time-half a decade really.

We will mix it up with some reading (I am bringing the Kindle), a deck of cards, some scrabble, and some old fashioned kind of stuff.

My question to you is this: Any book recommendations?
I am currently reading, "Always a Baker and Never the Bride" by Sandra Bricker. What a fun read! I highly recommend for those who need a good laugh, a delightful love story and some comforting Southern hospitality and charm. Delicious recipes included!

Post for NEW Mamas

2011-05-01T09:04:00.002-05:00

(Old photo: Me pregnant with #2)

I read this post from The Gypsy Mama and it rang true to my heart. Seriously.

I REALLY struggle with comparing myself to other mothers. I didn't use to be this way. I was pretty comfortable and confident in my skin and with who I was, but then I had a kid. Everything turned upside down because I didn't know what I was doing. Opinions were flying left and right that first year of motherhood--well intentioned opinions, but opinions that really ate at me and made me doubt myself as a mother.

I didn't have any experience really with child rearing. I wasn't close to families with little ones. I knew I loved kids and I had a knack with them, but the whole baby thing was unchartered territory. Now that my kids are a little older (5 and almost 2), I am more comfortable as a mother, but still find myself at many times doing the downward spiral thing of comparing. It's awful!

So, I think this article is a nice reminder to all of us seasoned mothers to just listen and unfurl our failures when necessary.

Spectacles

2011-04-10T16:22:00.001-05:00

I informed the kids the other day that we were going out for a walk. My daughter ran to grab her spectacles (the ones she daily borrows from Mr. Potato Head). I love this girl (and the boy too).

Silly Us

2011-03-31T08:47:00.000-05:00

We went to a wedding over the weekend and they had a photo booth.

We couldn't help ourselves.

Aren't we the perfect pair?

Perseverance

2011-03-24T09:47:00.003-05:00

This post is LONG overdue.

This is better late than never, because we all need to be inspired.

We all need to learn to push ourselves to do something.

We need to see that we can actually accomplish things if we put our mind to it.

Meet Tim and Hannah.

This was the morning before the half-marathon that Hannah ran.
It was her FIRST half-marathon.
As Tim mentioned in this post, Hannah was not the athletic type. She has been known to be called "Tender" by her siblings.
Hannah is great in so many things--writing, mothering, teaching, and being a wonderful friend, but as she has alluded to in a few conversations, not sports!
So she decided it was time to make herself do something she doesn't like. . .running.
When she told me the news, I was shocked. Hannah and running? Hannah and training for a marathon? Now this I have to watch, and indeed I did just that!

You see, Hannah and I have been praying on the phone together for quite some time now. She's my prayer buddy. Two times a week, while washing dishes or making breakfast or sipping coffee or while dealing with chaos in the background, we pray over the Word, or pray for each other or pray for people we care about, or our children, or family, or all of the above.
And why would that change on the day of the marathon? There she is, reading that day's portion of the Word to me. Notice it is DARK outside. It's like 6 am people!

Now here is Hannah's knee. It's wrapped with some lovely purple tape. Not only did she struggle with a terrible cold that morning and a fever the night before, but the girl had foot issues throughout much of her training in which she had to see a PT and not to mention the above knee.
She pushed through it all with the support of family, friends, a PT, and the Lord.

Her last photo before she became a legitimate marathoner.
She totally looks like a runner! I don't see a Ms. Tender, do you?

Her adorable cheerleaders.
We were all waiting for Ms. Tender to run by and give her a hug and cheer her on!

There she is! Go Hannah Go!

And off she went to the finish line, which was like 10 miles away.

I couldn't be there to see her finish the race. We had to be at our Sunday morning meeting taking care of the children's meeting.

I am very proud of her.
She did something she at one time thought she could never do.
She persevered.
I think it is safe to say the name "Tender" has been retired.

Now it's our turn to do something we think we could never do.
It could be something as little as waking up a little earlier to touch the Lord, or reading daily to your kids, or taking a 10 minute jog, or reading a book daily, or even running a marathon.
Whatever it is, it's possible.

Mueller Lake Park

2011-03-23T13:05:00.002-05:00

I am thankful for the park that is a 7 minute drive from our house.

I do have a car.

I do have children who love the playground.

And quite honestly, those two things are enough to be thankful for.

Instead of complaining that I don't have a backyard or a playground within walking distance, I am going to show you the beauty of Mueller Lake Park.

Aren't these cherry blossoms beautiful? Look at the backdrop. For being so close to downtown, this park is great. Once the trees grow (in about 20 years when we are probably long gone) they will be more beautiful!

I can't get enough of these beauties!

The park has a nice paved trail around the lake for taking a stroll, riding bikes or roller blading.

A nice touch to the fire pit.

Well, hello geese. Bring some bread to feed them and the ducks!

I am embarrassed to say that I didn't take any photos of the playground.
Trust me, the playground rocks! And it is fully enclosed--a real plus for mothers of toddlers.

I enjoyed our stroll so much with the kids. It was nice to be in the calm breeze, surrounded by water and grass and budding trees, that I was fully able to appreciate the Lord's provision for us.

Side note: some people who actually live in the Mueller community don't like this park because of mixed company. I personally think they are missing out. Sure the crowd is diverse, but it's good for kids to be around other kids who speak different languages and come from different backgrounds. This park is too lovely for one to be a park snob. I just wanted to add my two cents about that.

Because Kids Live Here!

2011-03-18T12:45:00.002-05:00

My mom came into town to watch the wee little ones so that I could work two half days. Thank you mom! The first day she was here, she swept and mopped my kitchen DESPITE my request for her not to clean. My floor looked beautiful! No more dirty foot prints, no more crumbs, no more smeared food, no more stuff stinking to our feet. It was heaven. However, by the end of the day, the floor was back to it's usual self. . .grime and all!

I think my mom now gets it. Kids live here. Kids play here. Kids have fun here. House is dirty.

Just wanted to share the obvious and subtle clues that two little rugrats have a good time at home. I have not included my yucky floor nor my children's bedrooms. I leave that for my guest's to observe and feel better about their cleaning abilities.

Aliya's "writing" and "drawing."

Shared DNA

2011-03-15T14:54:00.001-05:00

I wonder what he's thinking.

If I could somehow manage to sneak into his mind and see how he see's things.

If I could wrap my brain around his point of view.

If I could just be like him sometimes. . .enjoying the quietness,

letting that moment swallow his attention, and just be.

It's interesting to see how such a little person reminds you of yourself.

I find myself at times staring into a mirror while looking at them, and

not because my children bare a striking resemblence of me,

but because I catch glimpses, and sometimes long moments of me in them.

We share the same DNA, and it's so strange when that common double strand helix manifests itself in such surprising ways.

The beauty of children- they are this amazing combination of you and the one you love.

They take on some of your strengths and some of your weaknesses. Then there is their uniqueness that makes them so different than you.

It's sometimes difficult to see them struggle with the same things you struggled with as a child.

It's hard to stand back and let them grow and learn.

With much love, support, comfort, and wisdom from God, I know they will make it through.

And we know, that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

Support and Food

2011-03-13T22:33:00.005-05:00

Today I am thankful for having other moms to lend a listening ear.

Things get tough in life.

You need a support system.

So, one of my friends and I decided to take some action.

We got down and dirty and sent out invites for. . .

A TEA TIME!

Hannah and I hosted a tea party for some mommies a bit ago.

It was a time to catch up, fellowship and pray about some of our struggles in motherhood and in our Christian life.

It was long overdue.

My job was to bring some tea, a tea pot and the tea sandwiches

(and, not to mention, a listening ear and a praying spirit).

To get myself started on these yummy finger foods, I headed over to The Paupered Chef and found this recipe which came from Epicurious.

I started off with some fresh mint and chopped that little bunch up as small as I could. I mean, who wants to eat large leaves of mint in a sandwich? Not me!Then I sliced up those cucumbers as small as I could (I didn't do a very good job).

Then I mixed the cream cheese, mayo, mint, and some additional seasonings. It smelled oh so good ya'll. It tasted pretty good too.

Voila, cucumber mint sandwiches on wheat.

Our time together was so sweet.

I highly recommend moms getting together, opening up to each other and praying for one another.

Totally therapeutic.

I think we all realized we are not alone in our struggles and that we can bear one another in love.

P.S. I am totally digging taking pictures of food. I like the up close and personal thing.

Disappointed

2011-03-10T13:32:00.001-06:00

Today while at the park, my 5 year old pointed to a weeping willow tree and said, "Look Mama, the sad tree." I know I told him in the past that it was called a weeping willow.

I guess in his little brain, weeping equals sad.

When he said the "sad tree," I wanted to say "Just like mama's heart."

We received some disappointing news yesterday, and I know in the grand scheme of things, it's really not terrible, but I was still sad.

My heart has been longing for something.

I thought that I could finally have that thing .

I thought this was the time.

It's not.

I am asking the Lord to strengthen me into my inner man to be content just the way things are.

I am asking the Lord to deal with my heart and to make home in it.

I am asking the Lord to make me a thankful person.

I am asking the Lord to make me a simple person.

All I can do it look away to the greatest attraction--Christ.

So I thought it wold be good for the next couple of wees to post about something or someone that I am very thankful for. . .whether small or big. I don't want my heart to be hard towards the Lord or towards anyone. From my observation, the happiest person is a thankful person.

Winter Snapshot

2011-02-25T13:35:00.001-06:00

Oh friends, our desktop is on the fritz. I can't access my hundreds of photos that I have taken this past month. As a result, I am so behind in Project Life and on this blog. And I have so much to share too! The husband is thinking about getting an IMac. Wouldn't that be fun?

I meant to share this picture right after I took it, but somehow I was side tracked by all my culinary experiences.

A SNAPSHOT of SNOW DAY!

I love these boys!
Now aren't those the best snow angels?

Side note: It's a bit strange to be posting a snow picture when outside my window I hear birds chirping, trees budding, and beautiful sun rays streaming in our windows.

a girl's ruby slippers

2011-02-17T08:57:00.002-06:00

Every girl has to have a pair of ruby slippers.

She does.

She loves them.

She can put them on all by HERSELF.

(doing things by herself is all she ever wants to do now)

But, she's outgrown them, yet she still manages to squeeze her feet into them even if it means screaming some and making grunting noises. The girl loves her shoes.

I love having a girl.

I don't know why I was so scared to have one?

She has her daddy wrapped around her little finger.

Life is good.

Cake Pop Time

2011-02-14T11:46:00.001-06:00

Hi friends!

Let me just say that having two kids throwing up over the weekend and planned events to host made for a tiring weekend. Enjoyable nonetheless, but tricky.

Last Saturday I had the privilege to attend a cake pop class hosted by Objects of Confection and Kathy Phantastic. I won a pass (to my amazement) to the delectable class by posting a comment on Kathy's blog. I love it when people are so generous! I mean, really, what are the chances of me attending a Thai cooking class and a cake pop class within two days from each other? Chances were low, but it happened.

The class was hosted in a re-purposed grocery store in south Austin called Community Renaissance Market. I marched myself (well, I ran actually because I was late) to the back of the market and found lovely treats awaiting my crafty hand to decorate them.

Kathy made these lovely cake pops as inspiration for us rookies.

Aren't they adorable?

My decorated treats

Meet Mr. and Mrs. Yu

Did you know that you can buy markers that contain edible ink?

It's a whole other world people!

Meet Kathy and Jessica (owner of Objects of Confection)

A happy student and so proud of my bear!

Are you inspired? Then go check out Kathy's blog and Jessica's website. I think it's time for you to learn something new and treat yourself to something so delicious!

A Little Bit of Thai Heaven

2011-02-09T08:55:00.000-06:00

I love Thai food.

Because my husband is awesome, he bought me a Groupon for a Thai cooking class taught by the amazing Dr. Foo Swasdee at her restaurant Satay. The woman is hysterical, charming, loaded with information and can cook up some amazing food from her motherland. She also has her PhD in Science and Nutrition, so she nixes the grease and brings on the veggies.

How can I go wrong with healthy Thai food?

The class was a winner.

Welcome to Thai Curry 101. We learned all about different curries, Thai greetings, how to make curry with a mortar and pestle, what brands to buy, and what wines to use for certain dishes. We then observed the chef do her magic and sample her tasty dishes. It was a little taste of Thai heaven.

I was so absorbed with Dr. Foo's charming personality and her knowledge of Thai food (and of course her scrumptious dishes) that I completely forgot to take photos of the food. I did manage to snap one of the dessert, sticky rice pudding with corn and taro (Kao Neaw Paik). Of course, so typical of me to remember dessert.

I highly recommend her classes, so hurry up and go sign up here!
I was thankful that my husband was thoughtful enough to email my friends' husbands and ask them to buy the same groupon for their wives. Did I mention that my husband is awesome?

Here we are with Dr. Foo herself. I just wanted to hug her after the class was over, but I refrained myself. She might have thought I was weird.

Me, Dr. Swasdee, Maija and Kristen

This weekend I plan to cook up some Guey Teaw Kaeg Gai (Thai yellow curry noodles with chicken). I don't want to forget what I learned. You can only master a dish if you make it over and over again. Here's to you Dr. Foo! Off to the Asian market!

Onward!

2011-02-06T22:45:00.002-06:00

I am hoping to expand my blogging abilities. I changed my blog's name for starters. I needed the Title to match the URL. Done.

How did I come up with the name? Sam and I contemplated for hours on a good name that reflects my life (our life really). We both agreed there is a great deal of noise in our household. There is so much noise that without a doubt, anyone who walks in the door knows that life is happening all around. My hope is that this blog would highlight some of the "noise" and unfold our ordinary, yet amazing life. I say ordinary because our life is probably a lot like yours. I say amazing because everyday little, amazing things happen. Hopefully you will get a glimpse of our noisy life and know how much we love it.

Another thing I would like to add is I want to be more regular. Writing is therapeutic, a way to get some creativity out. As a stay at home mom, I really need an outlet.

I plan on getting acquainted with Photoshop to make my blog a little more appealing. Any tips are welcomed. Please speak up if you have something to say about Photoshop.

Here is some eye candy for you. Here are two of the culprits for the noise in this home. I love them to pieces.

sensitivity is not a bad thing

2011-02-01T22:34:00.001-06:00

I just read a post and the comments that followed about how to deal with people's criticism. I am guilty of inflicting pain and also a victim of receiving unkind words.

Some people choose to keep their opinions to themselves and others choose to share them with caution, while other lash out without an ounce of sensitivity. I think we are all guilty of something like this at one time or another. If not, then you have at least thought horrible thoughts, but just have not shared them out loud.

Is it based on personality? Why are some people more sensitive than others? Why are some people so abrasive? Why are some people so dreadfully honest? Is it the way we were brought up? Is it just our genetic makeup? Or is it both? I have thought about this quite a bit in the last couple of years, especially since I have had my son.

I have always felt it is always better to be candid. I am not the kind of person who beats around the bush or dances around the issue at hand. Just say what you mean and mean what you say. I respect people who are honest and ready to work through things without the tip toeing around of feelings. Why play politics? My question is, why am I like this? Probably because my dad is a frank person who doesn't mind offending people. He had no problems telling me what he thought about my friends, his opinion of my choice of clothes, the major I picked in college, his feeling about me attending the FTTA, his thoughts about the full-time life, etc. He hurt my feelings plenty of times, but he also taught me to buck up, defend myself, and not be a people pleaser. ( I would like to think I am like this all the time, but deep down, I am a people pleaser, but aren't we all?) I guess I am a product of my environment, but also a result of some DNA code that spouted out a candid person. I don't know. I am who I am and you are who you are.

So this bring me to Benjamin.

You see, my son is a sensitive soul. He was born that way. God made him that way. He can't handle when all the attention is on him. He melts down when he feels disapproval from me, or daddy, or a teacher, or a friend. He is so attuned to other people's feelings. He may not act upon them, but nevertheless, he knows how they feel. Many times he has pointed out my frankness and tone of voice with others and showed concern that I hurt their feelings. He's only 4 years old, yet he is teaching me to be a more sensitive person. I have had to apologize to others to make him feel better. It's been a learning experience for me that I don't always welcome.

My son is making me more of a sensitive person. Many times in these instances where he points our my flaw of insensitivity, I sense the Lord speaking to me through this little person.

A person can change.

I always have to take a moment to think about my reactions with my son. If I say things in the normal way, the Vanessa way, the outcome will be tears, anger and frustration. However, when I take a moment to think about the person right in front of me, this little person, this little sensitive soul, I then come up with a different response--a softer one, a delicate one, a kind one. The result is usually a sweet one.

I fail, a lot.

I hurt people's feelings still.

I come across as rude at times, even though I don't mean to be.

But when we open to the Lord, open to one another, then change can happen.

I am so grateful for my 4 year old.

The Bad and the Good

2011-01-25T17:25:00.005-06:00

I came down with a 102 degree fever on Saturday and swore I contracted a stomach virus. As the day progressed, I realized that it was not a stomach virus, but a boring, but painful sinus infection. It crept up on me and showed no mercy. I laid in bed for 2 days depressed. I missed my husband's company party (a cocktail party, which means my new little black dress is still hanging in the closet) and a weekend of quality family time.

As I laid in bed, I finished up Mockingjay, which was an excellent conclusion to the three book series. This was the good. However, I laid there thinking about all the things I want to do, wish to do, and have to do, but never seem to find time to do them. This was the bad.

(I know this is a universal problem for mothers--working mothers and stay at home mothers. How on earth do we find time to take care of the home front--from the kids, to cooking, to the finances, to cleaning, and caring for your marriage and then caring for yourself all in the time span of 7 days in one week? Not possible.)

So, I called my mom (this was a time of crisis, of course!) and told her I was sick. I knew very well if I made such a call, there would be a wonderful offer in return. The sentence, "Do you want me to come a couple of days and help you out?" was exactly what I needed to hear. Yes, yes, yes! This is the good. My mom is here and helping me with the kids and doing some spring cleaning with me, even though we all know that it's winter. You see, I never did the spring cleaning last year, because quite frankly, I didn't have time.

Even though I absolutely hate sinus infections, something good came out of it. My mom and I bonded over a long breakfast at Kerbey Lane and I got some needed spring cleaning that was a bit overdue. Oh yes, and I was able to rest a bit.

I'm not sure how I am going to do all the things that I so want to do, need to do and wish to do. I need to find time to learn to really sew, to make some cards with my new copics, make my way to the Department of Public Safety to renew my almost expired drivers license (they should exempt moms with children under the age of 4), get my van inspected (moms with little ones should be exempt from this too), find a name for my blog (the current name is so lame, don't ya think?), redesign my blog, clean the bathtubs that are too embarrassing to discuss, get to the gym, organize my children's books that are strewn out across our house, find a energy efficient washer and dryer because the ever so high water bills are driving me crazy, paint the kitchen and master bath, work on Project Life, shop for a new bra, get a haircut, and take a long, hot bath. These are to just a name a few. ..

Despite my to do list and my yearning for some "me" time (the bad), the good thing is that all these things are not being done because of my family. FAMILY. I love that word. I get a warm fuzzy feeling when I say it. MY FAMILY. I rather be with them-- reading to them, playing with them, cooking for them, washing their laundry, snuggling with them, and just being with them.

I hope they one day appreciate it.

Love, if you are reading this, we NEED a date. I am more than willing to set aside the folding of laundry and washing the dishes to take care of us :)

Change Alert

2011-01-24T20:35:00.002-06:00

I am revamping my blog. Give me some time for creativity to spill out of my brain and time for my dear husband to help me get the look I want. I am still thinking of a new title. . .maybe something like, "Keepin it real." Those of you who know me well, maybe you can suggest a title that reflects me and my style.

Hope 2011 has been a good one for you all so far.

Growing Up

2010-12-05T09:55:00.005-06:00

Yeah, it's been a while. Hello. I'm Vanessa and I am a wannabe blogger. Help needed to keep up with this thing called blogging.

There is a new thing happening in our household. It's called a live alarm clock that tends to go off somewhere between 5:15 am and 6 am. Lately, her favorite time has been 5:30 am. Which means, one of her parents HAS to roll out of bed and fumble over to her bedroom to hearken to her screams, um, I mean needs.

Usually, it's me, mom.

Because of such a change in my daughter's schedule, I go to bed early. . .way early. (Why is it that we use "way" as an adjective to mean "sooooooo". . .ugh, American slang, and I'm using it.) Anyway, this whole thing is making me a better person, really. Let me tell you all about it because I am in NEED to tell you all about it.

I have to now be DILIGENT to go to bed early. This is hard people, especially when you have zero time to yourself during the day and you happen to have a husband who is a night owl. We don't get a second of alone time with each other because there are 4 eyeballs always watching us whenever we are together, unless we lock ourselves in the bathroom and ignore the crying and whining. So, now, I go to bed anywhere between 8:30 to 10 pm. Which means dinner until bedtime is crazy. We manage.

Another new development is now I have about 2 extra hours in the morning to entertain my little one and myself. On the days my husband works, she and I read, sing, and have some serious quality time. I even manage to touch the Lord too, and this my friends, is HUGE. On the days that Daddy is home, I have been known to exercise. Yes, it's true, I have been exercising. I actually went on a 2 mile walk/run this morning. It was glorious. So I am learning to redeem the time.

I could complain about the change of my alarm clock, but that wouldn't make things better--at all. I have decided to roll with it and even take advantage of it. I may be rubbing my eyes around 7 pm, but I think it's causing me to grow up.

Patio Fun and a Happy Mama

2010-09-08T13:12:00.006-05:00

If you know me, you know I struggle about not having a yard nor having a park close by for the kids. At times, I dream of my kids running and rolling on a large patch of grass that is right outside our back door. I dream of walking to a park meeting the fellow neighbors. I dream of planting my own garden and teaching the kids about the patience of their labor of planting seeds and tending to them.

I dream a lot.

We were graciously given our home. I can't complain because the Lord has met our needs ALL the time. My family has never lacked anything. My kids have plenty of toys, a soft, warm bed, bathrooms that work and healthy food on the table. They have family that adores them. Sure, we may not have the budget for excess, but we are all happy and healthy.

My husband knows how much I struggle with the above matter, so he agreed to have someone build us a deck in our small patio for the kids to play safely and for me to have a little place to relax. I tell you, our patio has been a haven for me on many occasions. I really do love our patio. The kids do too.

My happy 1 year old trying to be a BIG girl. This makes me one HAPPY Mama!

Boy + Water + Slide = Fun and a HAPPY mama

Girl plus Swimming Diaper = Curious toddler + HAPPY Mama

Brother + Sister + Sibling Fun = HAPPY Mama

That's me, above, and I am one HAPPY Mama (I would be even happier if the pile of stuff behind me would magically disappear!)

Making Time for Me

2010-08-26T16:08:00.004-05:00

A few months ago I was laying on my acupuncturist's table with over a hundred needles in my lower back, my neck, my hands and in my ankles crying like a baby. I thought I was crying because of pain. The intensity of what I was feeling resembled the transition stage of labor without an epidural. I was wrong. I was crying because years of tension were finally being released. I realized that afternoon that I really needed to start taking care of myself. Dr. Gu, my acupuncturist, informed me that I was too young to be having such terrible spasmatic back pain. Of course, I blamed it on the children--having them and tending to them. He agreed with me partially, but also blamed me. I don't take time to exercise, to stretch, to decompress, and that I run at 100 mph and don't know how to slow down.

Sound familiar?

I wont get into the details of his half hour lecture or the following treatments I had, but I want to write about my struggle.

I struggle to make time for me.

Sure I make time to check Facebook, check my email, read a book, flip through magazine or even turn on the t.v. to "decompress." However, I have come to learn that this is not QUALITY "me" time. This is "me" time on lazy mode. I was told that if I don't change my life habits, I will eventually need back surgery or be coming again to him again and again to "fix " the stress in my lower back.

I came home and my husband and I has a long talk about me having "me" time. Of course, Sam agreed that I needed to do whatever possible to get strong and healthy for all our sakes. I was on a roll people--I was lap swimming, stretching, and working hard on my core for a few weeks. I could tell quickly that I was getting strong again. The spasms in my leg subsided. I even joined a gym even though our budget is tight.

Three months have passed and I feel those little spasms coming on again. Good thing I know what to do now, but the real problem is not the spasms, but me. I am not making time for me. How do you make time for yourself when you have two little ones, a church life that is active, and trying to maintain an entire household??? I don't know. I am trying to figure that out. I realized I needed to prioritize (I love lists!) Voila, my new priority list, it's small but full of quality:

1) Spend time with the Lord (not 5 minutes) and get into the Word.

2) Play on the floor with my kids (more than 5 minutes) and read as much as possible to them.

3) Exercise (30 min a day)

I think this means that I have to forget cleaning on some days, forget laundry on other days, forget washing my van, forget checking Facebook, forget reading blogs, and just STOP comparing my body to others, stop comparing my children to other people's children and comparing my church life to other people's church lives. I need to look away and get busy with quality things.

I know I mentioned on Facebook that I stopped blogging, but I think I have to take that back. Sometimes it's good to type out the important things. I'm not writing for comments or to make a quick million bucks, but because it's therapeutic--REALLY therapeutic.

I love being a wife to Sam, being a mom to B and A, and I love the church life and I love the Lord. However, I need to be fed spiritually, take care of my responsibilities (my husband, my kids and our home), and I need to take care of this body the Lord has given me.

It's time to cut the "fat" and I mean this is more than one way :)

Appreciate

2010-07-27T14:44:00.002-05:00

I always find it interesting that I don't appreciate the big things until something little happens.

Let's take today for example. I have a little cold. Not a full blown out cold that has me in bed hacking my lungs out, but the kind that wears on you--the kind that makes you go to bed at 8 pm. How often do I appreciate my good health on days that I am not sick or suffering from allergies? Rarely! I just take it for granted.

How about the time last year in the middle of a major heat wave in which we decided to buy a new AC and we were out of cold air for 3 days because it was a bigger project than we anticipated? We had to stay at a friend's house for 2 nights with a newborn and 3 year old. I never appreciated my cold AC until I was without it.

How about the time I burned my hand by grabbing a hot skillet? I didn't appreciate my left hand until it was scorched and numb and somewhat blistered.

Do I appreciate the nights that I get to sleep through until a teething 1 year old wakes me up at night or my 4 year old who wakes me up because of a bad dream? Oh sleep, how do I appreciate you!

It's time for me to appreciate some things. So today I am thanking the Lord for a lot of big things that I take for granted everyday. Here they are:

1) Having two healthy children
2) Having a healthy husband who has a job
3) Having two working cars with working AC
4) Having clean water
5) Having a roof over my head
6) Having clothes to wear and shoes without holes in the soles
7) Having a pantry and refrigerator stocked with food
8) Having both sets of parents alive and well
9) Being able to stay home and watch my kids grow and learn and laugh and live
10) Having a husband who loves me just how I am
11) Having eyes to see the beauty around me, the ears to the children laughing and a mouth to taste.
12) Having seen that God has an economy.

What are you thankful for? What do you appreciate?

The 4th of July

2010-07-14T09:06:00.002-05:00

We spent the 4th of July in Houston, Texas with our friends Rudy and Lisa, the Lawson's and the Alarcon's. We braved the humid heat and walked through downtown to see the main event-the fireworks show! It was HOT and HUMID.

Downtown Houston

The beginning of the masses.

Our family chowing down on bad for you grub!

Aliya's favorite was the sausage. Like father like daughter.

It's been a little over a year

2010-06-26T08:41:00.001-05:00

It's been a year since Aliya came into our lives.
I barely remember her as this day old infant.

Now she's 1 and is her own little person-full of feelings, full of ideas, full of energy and full of voice. By voice, I mean opinions. When she doesn't get what she wants, she, of course, lets us know in baby language. We are now fluent in baby language.

She's such a joy.

And her brother adores her. And she adores him.
It's a happy place around here.

We still struggle with sleep every now and then, but still manage with coffee and humor and some complaining (from me!), but life is good.

Today's Formula

2010-05-05T15:30:00.003-05:00

No nap + baby outdoors for 3 hours = Overtired baby who needs to nap but won't

Solution to getting baby to sleep:

Nurse baby (didn't work)
Put baby in crib and pat on back (didn't work)
Rock baby in arms while singing hymns (nope, didn't work either)
Rock baby in rocking chair while making white noise with mouth (stubborn girl!)
Put baby on king bed and lay next to her with pacifier (still screaming!)
Hold her tight next to me so that sleep WILL overcome her (nope, she's a strong girl and just rolled around screaming)
Propped myself up with pillows and cradled her just like Daddy does (not working, where is Daddy???)

Still holding her, I just start laughing because the baby should be enrolled in drama classes at 11 months old--I kid you not!!!!!

Result: Baby starts laughing too and is out like a light. Sweet peaceful baby. I walk over to crib holding exhausted baby girl and making sure I don't trip over big brother's trains. Place baby in crib (hoping and praying that she won't wake up), baby rolls over to tummy and is still asleep.

Phew, I wonder what will work the next time this happens?

The Kite Festival

2010-04-08T22:01:00.008-05:00

We've made it a family tradition to participate in Austin's annual kite festival at Zilker Park. It's amazing to walk through the park and look up to see hundreds of flying kites in the big blue sky. One can find homemade kites, tiny kites, ginormous kites (this year one of these was a blow fish!), keep Austin weird kind of kites, and traditional kites. This year Benjamin chose an airplane kite despite his Dad's attempt to lure him to something more original. Go Benjamin for sticking to your guns. That's my boy!

After attending our Sunday morning meeting, we headed out to Zilker Park to meet our friends and fly our kite. After trekking about half a mile in the heat of the day, we found a spot to call our own. We laid out the quilt, pulled out the drinks, lathered the sunscreen (again!), and watched the kites fly up high in the sky. It was such a lovely site of the downtown skyline, clear blue skies and kites of all kinds.

Benjamin arriving at the kite festival.

Keeping Austin "weird"

Austin skyline

Benjamin's airplane kite

There it is, high up in the air.

Me and Aliya

A local musician.

Too much heat for my baby girl.

The silver juggler.

Note: I can't figure out how to make the text match the photos. Any advice fellow bloggers?

An Alphabet Favorite List

2010-03-16T20:48:00.002-05:00

My friend Nicole over at anothernicole had this list and well, I don't have anything to write about, rather, I don't have any photos to upload because our desktop is packed up and my laptop charger is wacked. . .so I decided to complete this list of favorites. . .her list cracked me up because I can totally hear her saying all her answers.

Here is my take. . .

what is your favorite:

* automobile? SUV Volvo--my neighbor just got one and i have coveted despite the "swagger" van that I have. My Odyssey is cool people, but my neighbor's SUV is cooler.
* band? Erasure, yes Erasure
* color? RED, even though I painted over my red dining walls with a blue/green calming color
* dessert? peach cobbler. . .and apple crisp. . .all without ice cream
* entrée? Lobster
* fruit? persimmons. . .the crunchy kind. . .mmmm, delicious
* grocery store? HEB rocks my world
* holiday? Thanksgiving
* instrument? piano. . .I wish I would have kept up my the piano lessons as a kid
* joke? all of Sam's
* kitchen appliance? Vitamix--the only way I get kale and spinach down B's throat!
* letter in the alphabet? D
* movie?
* name? Aliya. . .I named my daughter this
* opera? never been to one but I heard the Italian ones are the best
* place (whatever that means to you)? the beach. . .we love to vacation at the beach. very calming. fond memories.
* queen? Bohemian Rhapsody
* random fact? low iron could cause restless leg syndrome
* superhero? Superman!
* tv show? LOST. . .sorry to see it end but happy that there will be an end
* underdog? USA hockey team-1980
* vegetable? broccoli
* water (body of)? Pacific--vast
* x word (word starting with x)? x-men, I actually liked that movie.
* year (or range of years)? 2008. . .the year I turned 30
* zoo animal? hippos--i saw a mommy and baby giving kisses to one another one time at the zoo.

Ribs--Lickin' Good!

2010-03-01T09:27:00.001-06:00

Made this a couple of weeks ago.

The husband was impressed. Braised ribs--delicious.

NBC's Olympic Chairs

2010-02-23T12:18:00.005-06:00

Is anyone else in love with these chairs? I want them, right here in my living room! I love the color, I love the shape, I love the legs. I'm in love! Where can I get these?

By the way, can you see Stephen Colbert in the fire place??? This was the only photo I could find. I got the pic from here.

snow

2010-02-23T11:07:00.004-06:00

Today DH and I are working from home, and boy did we pick the BEST day to stay home and work because it's SNOWING. I know, I know, those of you from the Northeast are probably thinking that I ain't seen nothing, but people, Austin rarely sees snow.

This is a winter wonderland deep in the heart of Texas.

View from our front door.

View from our bedroom window.

Wish the kids could see this but they are in mother's morning out. Hopefully the snow will continue so we can bundle them up and let them touch s-n-o-w!

Forced to Simplify

2010-02-22T10:04:00.004-06:00

This post has been in the works for quite some time as now as I am being "forced" to simplify my family's life. It all started when my husband and I made steps to sell our condo and move to a "better" location for public schools and have more space for us, i.e. all our stuff. After seeing what we could afford in the part of town that had great schools and close to my husband's work (we already live pretty close to his work, just on the wrong side of the highway when it comes to schools), we realized we have a very good situation with our condo-it's location and our 1600 square feet of space. We even considered moving to the suburbs, about 30 miles from downtown. We could get a spacious, new home and better schools all within our budget. However, there were many things to consider, and after much prayer and consideration, we decided to stay right where we are.

So, yesterday my parents came to spend time with the kids, and little did they know they would be helping us pare down all the excess--cutting the fat if I may say. We decided to move our son into our 3rd room, which was the "catch all" room. It was a room that made us feel like we had "extra" space as it housed the office, my craft space, our guests and the closet was filled with things we might one day need. We made a courageous effort to empty the room. However, my husband was filled with sadness as it was most of his stuff that was moved to the back patio as a temporary holding place until we find a warm, cozy home for all of it (Goodwill perhaps?).

As my parents carted away the toys the kids don't play with (which was a HUGE bin people!), all my craft storage crates, all our computer stuff (2 hard drives, 2 monitors, boxes of read magazines, bins of cords, etc), I couldn't but help think that we house things we don't use or really need. Do the kids really need that many toys? No, the kids don't even play with all those toys in the bins. Do we really need a desktop when we have two laptops? Well, that's for my husband to answer. I can go on and on with all these questions that came to me yesterday.

I came across THIS excerpt a few months ago by Maria Sherlock's book entitled Living Simply with Children, printed it out so that I could re-read it when I found myself wanting more space, more things, more excess. I think it's perfectly normal to want more when we live in a culture of ultimate consumerism. Americans like to dive into debt to have "more." I too have this philosophy ingrained in me. However, after paying off all our debt, the last thing I want to do is to jump back into debt. Debt for me was a huge burden, especially when it was not related to education, a home mortgage, or something of substantial worth.

Here is a paragraph that rings true to my heart and to the Christian life,

Simplicity, then, is about not being a typical American, because in today's society being an average American translates into being a consumer; indeed, a megaconsumer. That lifestyle is best described as materialism-the belief that acquisition and wealth are highest objectives to be sought, rather than spiritual, intellectual, and humanitarian goals-and it's the opposite of simplicity. Materialism dictates that you should try to meet your needs through acquisition of things. It promises, at best, that happiness, acceptance, and love lie just around the corner with a bigger house, newer car, faster computer, trendier clothing. But materialism never actually delivers in its promises. Each new purchase, latest promotion, bigger and better model, merely sets you up for the next acquisition.

So you all, I have been asking the Lord to supply me to live a simple life and just trust Him. I know we won't stay in our condo forever, but if I can learn the lesson to live simply, whether in a condo or in a 2500 square foot house, in east Austin or in west Austin, in Texas or in California, in downtown or in the suburbs, I know I will be a much happier person.

As I drive my son to pre-school three times a week through the Hyde Park neighborhood near UT Austin, I find myself still wishing I could live in that blue house on the corner. If only we could afford it. . .maybe we could if I worked full-time, but that's not what my husband and I really want. It's pretty nice to not work and be with the kids, even if it means living in a condo on the wrong side of the highway :)

I am forced to simplify.

On My Toes

2010-02-20T09:46:00.001-06:00

She's mobile you all. She's messy. And I am busier than ever. Really.

Inspiration

2010-02-17T22:54:00.003-06:00

So DH and I decided not to move and stay in our condo for another couple of years. Basically, what this means for our growing family is out with us and in with kids. Out with OUR stuff and hello KID stuff. We are turning our 3rd bedroom into our daughter's room because sharing a room with her big brother is NOT working.

We are losing our guest bed (sort of), my DH's man space (computers and such) and I am losing my craft space (creative outlet space). Sad. Sad. Sad. I am not sure how to fit our lives into 1600 square feet without feeling trapped, scrunched, limited, cluttered, etc. I know Europeans do it all the time, but I tell you what, this Texas girl really does like her space. . .sprawling space people.

However, we also like urban living and mortgage free life, so something has got to give.

So I am looking for INSPIRATION. We are painting all the walls new colors, getting new granite counter tops for the kitchen, painting all our cabinetry WHITE. I like white--clean, crisp and calming. Currently, I love color. My dining room is red. I like fun and bold. However, with two little ones, lately I have been needing calm. My friend calls my new style "very zen." Whatever.

My goal this week is to cut out things that inspire me.

For starters, THIS post inspires me. I love the white. I love the calm.

Cheers.

Look what I got!!!!

2010-02-14T09:35:00.002-06:00

Dear Anne,

Thank you for this awesome gift. I use it almost everyday. People drool over it when they see it sitting so lovely on my stove.

Ever Grateful,

Vanessa

I got the 9 quart oval one. LOVE it!

Heart Month

2010-02-14T08:59:00.002-06:00

Hi. It's me. After bouts of illness, house hunting, meeting with contractors and struggling with some personal things, I have made it to the computer to share some mommy and son time with you all.

B had a Valentine's party at preschool, so I decided to add some butter to the ridiculous sugar rush these 3 and 4 year olds were about to receive. I have never made sugar cookies before, nor have I ventured to decorate them, so I thought I would seize the opportunity to spend some fun quality time with my boy. Little did I know it would indeed be a labor of love. I also must admit that I am a sucker for hearts. Did I mention February is a special month for me? My husband and I were married on February 1st and my birthday is at the end of the month. So it's a month of love despite the holiday.

Here are our decorated hearts.

A cookie for my honey.

I made a "B" cookie for my Benjamin. Can you see it?

Together is ALWAYS better, especially in the kitchen!

The cookies were delicious. I found THIS recipe that was easy to make and yummy to eat.

Wednesday

2010-01-13T08:52:00.001-06:00

Good morning world. I have exactly ten minutes to down the coffee and write a post while the munchkins are occupied.

We were up a total of 6 times last night. . .yes, 6! 3 times with the stinkerella and 3 times with the child in pull ups. Stinkerella needed to nurse twice and she is teething. Pull Up boy had a pee accident and then another one. How does that happen when he wears pull ups? I guess I did not do my job in limiting fluids last night at dinner.

Ugh.

I let Sam sleep in so that he could be better rested for work. So I go into to wake him up at 8:05. As we rehash the night adventure and the terrible tantrum B threw about having poop in his pull up (A total lie!!!!), Sam jerks his body up and remembers he has a work evaluation in, um, 45 minutes. Woh.

I let B climb into his sister's crib to occupy her, I dash downstairs, brew a pot of coffee, make his lunch, and decide I need to pray. I call Hannah. She answers the phone, "Hey Vanessa" in such a perky way that inwardly I am so jealous that she probably got more sleep than I did. (I am always comparing sleep these days). I then ask her, "Is this a bad time to pray?" Her reply, "Well, I am here with Grace. They just broke her water." Me, "Oh, wow, ok, get to work, bye."

So my friends, our friend Grace is having her baby today. I am flooded with fond memories of having Aliya. She was induced. But then I am having some bad memories of having Benjamin. He came in the middle of the night, and I had not slept at all prior to his delivery. Wow, and he still doesn't let me sleep :)

So I leave you with my prayer today:

"Lord, supply my dear husband through his evaluation and please don't let him fall asleep on his boss. And Lord, supply me to make it today as You know how many times I was up last night. You have to be lived through me today to my children and everyone else around me, because if not, it will be a terrible, terrible day. Lord, I pray for a healthy delivery for Grace and a healthy baby boy and supply her husband Luis to care for her and baby by not passing out at the delivery. And Lord, I need you. . .really I do. I love You too. Have mercy on me that I don't lose it today with Pull Up boy and Stinkerella. Keep me coming to You again and again today."

when the cat's away, the mice will play

2010-01-09T07:58:00.005-06:00

Ya'll. . .

I came home from a lovely time with my girlfriend at Starbucks to this. . .

and then this. . .(which is NOT our t.v.)

and finally this. . .

And then these were the faces of the very disappointed boys after the Longhorn loss. . .

But ya'll, if you could have seen the victory dances these boys performed the times Gilbert threw a touchdown pass. . .you would have been rolling on the floor laughing!

Coming up. . .vegan chocolate cake. . .oh so good! I promise!

and a P.S.

So I think no one reads my blog except my faithful two commenters-Hannah & Stephanie (thank you!!)-- and lo and behold, today at the Sunday evening meeting, a friend of mine handed me a HUGE bag of coffee beans from Ruta Maya (a local company) organic coffee. I was thinking, "How did she know I needed some coffee beans? This is too good to be true!" She smiled at me and said, "I read your blog." I started laughing with sheer embarrassment.

So my friends, I have a third reader!!!!

Now if you'll excuse me, I have some beans to grind for the morning.

Happy New Year

2010-01-07T11:11:00.001-06:00

We spent the new year with some friends of ours in Houston. We had a great feast of roast and potatoes accompanied with some good laughs.

And New Year is not complete without fireworks.
Benjamin and Kayla (our friends' kid) loved it depite how chilly it was.

The last pic is of the two kids watching NYC's festivities of ringing in the New Year.

What did you do to bring in the new year????

2009. . .Goodbye

2010-01-05T21:34:00.003-06:00

Today was a cold day.

It was one of those days you just want to cozy up on the couch with a mug of hot chocolate and good book and let the time pass you by as you flip the pages.

I don't have the liberty to do such a thing in my stage of life.

Yes, this stage of life. Two little ones. Since we rang in the new year just a few days ago, I have had some time to just think and contemplate this last year. I have considered what I will remember, what I will regret and how I want to learn from 2009 for the future. I wish I could share some profound, heartfelt thoughts with you, or perhaps some fond memories of the little ones, or some paradigm shift that took place. I only have two words for you:

SLEEP DEPRIVATION

These two words sum up 2009. Yup, that's it people. Nothing deep, nothing creative, nothing to gloat about. Pure tiredness. 100% sleep deprivation from January all the way to December. . .and guess what? This week started off on a high note of severe sleep deprivation. The baby has teased us once this week with sleeping through the night, but she quickly held to her guns and had us up about every 3 hours last night.

I decided that for the new year when someone asks me how I am doing, I will do my best to hold my tongue and say something other than, "I am so tired. I need coffee."

I can't even tell you how much coffee I drank last year despite the pregnancy and having a newborn. There was a point that my consumption of the black stuff caused a little hole in the wallet. . .really! So I had to make the switch from good ole Anderson's coffee to Folgers (GASP!!!!). Lucky me I have my trusty percolator that can make cheap coffee taste like a good cup of Joe. . .or maybe it was just that I was so tired I couldn't even taste the cheapness.

So my friends, I started out the new year tired with a cup of Folgers in my hand. But that's OK. It can only get better. Right? Perhaps I can bump up my coffee brand to HEB's San Antonio blend? Now that would be a nice new year's resolution.

Cheers and Happy New Year!

Taking a time out

2009-12-23T07:56:00.004-06:00

Just a little fun one afternoon with play dough.

A tower of ice cream on a cone.

The artist at work.

Contemplating the next choice of color.

I treasure the times when I get some one on one time with my children. Just yesterday I found myself resonding to B's request for play time with, "Not now, I need to clean the house," or "I need to change your sister's diaper, " or "I need to do a load of laundry," or "I need to cook for so and so who is coming over tonight. Sure, all the reasons are true and valid, BUT I had to take a step back yesterday and re-evaluate the situation. I know in his little mind, mommy was saying, "I just don't have time for you right now. Everything else is more important." I am such a bad mother sometimes. . .live and learn, right?

I am learning to take a time out from the grown up world to be a kid again with my kids.

The Vintage Pearl

2009-12-16T18:52:00.004-06:00

You all. . .this shop is cool. Go visit and see all the great necklaces/bracelets and charms you could have with your beloved's name on it or your kid's name. These would make great gifts.

I am definitely buying a necklace for myself with the kids' names on it.

The Vintage Pearl

Don't you just love, love, love?

Familia

2009-12-10T10:18:00.001-06:00

A family photo-finally! These little bumkins have me sleep deprived, but I won't complain after reading this.
Off for another cup of coffee. . ."it is better to sing than be sighing. . .better to live than be dying, so let us rejoice (in the Lord) evermore!" I have been singing this hymn all week. . .I think the Lord is trying to tell me something, ya think?

Hello December

2009-12-01T21:45:00.002-06:00

How about I just do a pre-New Year's resolution since it's only 4 weeks away where I sit and write out my annual list of things I promise to do in the new year and always fail miserably around February. OK, here I go. . .because you know how much I love lists.

1. Read my Bible daily. (OK, really, this is my daily resolution 365 days of the year, and still can't seem to get this one done.)

2. Lose weight (Almost on every girl's list, but then that darn peach cobbler intervenes. . .it's not my fault!)

3. Blog regularly (Really? Why do I stress myself out about my blog? I am so never going to be a regular blogger!)

4. Slow down-smell the roses (not possible for my personality type, but I am trying-really!)

5. Read more books (i need to just chuck this one out the window. . .if I can't do #1, how can I do this one? Duh!)

6. Cook healthy meals all the time (Hah! That box of mac and cheese is God sent on those long, tiring days!)

7. Spend less time on the computer (then I would feel disconnected with earth, so let's forget about this one.)

8. Date night with husband once a week (Dream on! Who would want to watch my kids 52 times a year? Oh yes, you would mom, but we live in different cities. . .sigh).

9. No more complaining!!!!! (I wish I wish I wish this could happen.)

10. Pick up my guitar and play (But that would mean I would have to cut my nails really short and get callouses all over again--maybe not.)

11. Drink less coffee (but that means my only comfort drink is gone. . .I don't think so people!)

Well, there you have it. New Year's resolutions are NOT good for me as they set me up for defeat. So can someone just pass my laptop, the cobbler, my hot coffee and pull a chair next to me so that you can hear me vent about my life and then you could so kindly open the Bible and read a little with me. ..and then hear me complain some more about how I need to go to the gym

:)

Maybe in 2011 I will feel differently.

A Fave

2009-11-18T16:50:00.002-06:00

I must share something with you.

I have a thing for lists. Lists are just so darn straight forward and so neatly organized.

This is one of my favorite posts and my friend wrote it.

Check it out HERE!

Glimpse of Fall

2009-11-18T14:49:00.000-06:00

It's November. It's almost Thanksgiving Day. It's been in the mid 70's and I am not complaining. But, the other day, I got a glimpse of Fall. Oh how I love when the leaves turn red, then golden brown, then fall on the ground decorating the pavement. It reminds me of human life--full of seasons, full of stages and changes. It also reminds me of the Christian life--we have our summers of enjoyment, our difficult experiences of fall and sometimes we feel dead as winter, but then the spring comes. . .and there is growth.

I was taking a stroll by myself last week and carried my camera to snap some scenery of my neighborhood which I do love. Here is what surrounds us.

The Giant and the Small one

2009-11-09T10:32:00.003-06:00

My three year old looks like a giant sitting next to his baby sister. There is nothing like having another child that makes you realize how big your first child is.

Learning to live in the now and not the future. Note to self: enjoy them before they are all grown up!

The go to food

2009-10-21T15:25:00.003-05:00

Hi all. I know, it's been a long time, but let me just tell you, my life is BUSY with the two kids, working part-time, maintaining my church life, my marriage, etc. I am adjusting to all the change which leaves me little of my own time. You have time to do what you really want to do, as in you make time to do the things you really love, but let's just say blogging hasn't been on top of the list. Which brings me to my next point. . .

BUT before I get to that point, I just want to add that my 3 year old didn't make it to the bathroom and had an accident all over the floor just as I was typing the above. I"ll be back. . .

Ahem. . .yes, my next point. I have been enjoying cooking again. I am daily inspired by Mr. Bittman in his NY Times blog, and not to mention the Paupered Chef and Meals for $30.

My latest go to food is the delicious quinoa, pronounced keenwah.

This stuff rocks. It's loaded with protein and iron but is not a grain really, but a seed. It's delicious when cooked in some sort of broth and then throw in some vegetables or raisins, and voila, you got yourself a whole meal in this dish.

For some reason, my mac is acting up and I can't upload my picture of my quinoa dish. Here is a link to see what quinoa looks like.

A quick note. . .

2009-09-19T06:13:00.003-05:00

It's been almost a week of sleepless nights. What happened to my wonderful sleeper? Naps seem like a memory already. My sweet pea has become quite the social one lately. She is ready to explore the world and gain her independence. Sigh. She's only 3.5 months old. She adores her big brother. . .she follows him with her eyes wherever he goes. She will even hold a conversation with him. Who knew 3 month olds were so talkative and new the rules of conversation--brother says something, and she responds. Then brother says something else and then she responds again. She patiently waits her turn, then lets out a coo at just the right moment.

Sweet.

It's been sweet watching the two of them connect. A mother's joy.

Sweet Pea

2009-08-27T15:12:00.000-05:00

Hi. I am almost three months old now.
I can hold my head up now which makes my whole family happy. I'm not just some blob of flesh and blood, but now much more of a person. I even open my eyes a lot and converse with people I think are interesting--only a few meet my criteria.

I am a great sleeper unlike my big brother, but I gave my mom a real hard time nursing. I just wanted her to spend more time with me so I fussed and fussed while eating, but eventually I decided I should stop since she opted to give me the bottle. Now I am back in my mom's arms and lovin it.

My parents still can't tell what I am going to be like, but I have been dropping some hints that I will be fiesty and will hold my own ground. But I will keep my personality a secret until the time is just right, especially from my big brother. He will be in for a surprise when I get big enough to play with HIS toys.

Life is good. I just eat, sleep and poop.

I sometimes cry when people aren' t paying attention to me--I hate when that happens. And I can't stand to have my diapers wet--it's
a real pain. Please save me from diaper rash mom and dad! Can you imgaine me with a toosh
full of red bumps---no way man! So I cry so they can keep my hiney nice and soft.

Gotta run and have my latte--flavor of the day. . .mama's milk. . .yum!

Heart this Post

2009-08-19T21:37:00.006-05:00

I know that my blogging recently has been about my complaining of my struggles and my adjusting to baby #2 and discovering a "different" side of my 3 year old in all of this. BUT, I just want to note that I *heart* this POST.

I have had this same little dream since I was a kid. My home was not the hang out spot for friends nor my older brother's friends nor my little brother's friends. My dad had an aversion to kids that made a mess or kept him up late, and maybe that's because he was the oldest of 11 children. I don't know, but our house was NOT the magnet for children or teenagers or anyone really.

I did always envy my friends whose houses we did always hang out at, and whose parents were so cool that hanging out with them while eating popcorn was fun. I also wished I had lots of brothers and sisters like my best friend growing up who had 5 of her very own. Now hanging out at her house was too much fun--full of noise, fights, laughter and crazy imaginations. I always would tell myself, "When I grow up, I want a big family and I want my house filled with all my kids' friends."

I hate that I gripe about having two children. It bugs me--it does. But I am a wimp, a whiner, and a brat at times. I admit it. However, I still love big families and I still love children's chaos even though I was trained not to. A part of me wishes I would just shrug my shoulders when milk spills, or something drops or when my 3 year old screams at the top of his lungs. I hope that one day my tightly wound up self will unwind in all this beautiful and marvelous change of parenthood.

Maybe, just maybe, my house will be "that" house.

Long Post--Beware

2009-08-17T21:07:00.002-05:00

This picture is already dated. It was taken about three weeks ago, and in three weeks the baby has grown so much. Three weeks ago feels like a couple months ago--no joke!

These are my children. I love them. They consume almost every minute of my day. When I am absent from their presence, I think about them and talk about them. I also worry about them. I dream about them. They are the reason that I have chosen to stay home, live in financial limitation, and put myself aside. It's hard.

On the flight home from Baltimore, the airline stewardess knelt down beside me doting on my darling baby. She began to tell me about her two little ones-both girls only one year apart. We chatted back and forth about how hard it was for her having a one year old and a newborn. Then she said it. She said exactly what I want but can't have. She told me the reason she flies is to get a break from her darling 1 1/2 year old and 2 1/2 year old. She flies only one night a week, stays in a hotel and gets some real rest. Wow, she gets to have a break one night a week and get paid for it?? The best part of it was that it is always on a weekend, so DH watches the children. The children get some bonding time with daddy, and she gets a break. I thought, "Hmmm, how can I become an airline stewardess?" Sign me up Southwest Airlines. I need a break. . .once a week. I would be more than happy to serve drinks and peanuts for one full night of sleep.

So, my friends, here I go. . .it may come out a bit raw, but this is my life. My day is composed of dressing little people, changing diapers, answering for the 15th time why my three year old has to put on clothes and not be naked for the day and several other inquiries. It's filled with feeding, nursing, picking up toys, clothes, dishes, wiping up spilt milk, changing the baby who just spit up about 5 oz of milk, then rocking a baby while the other screams. Then it's driving here and there toting the two around, slinging one and holding the other's hand while trying to keep the overstuffed diaper bag on my shoulder, then running to the bathroom so that my 3 year old doesn't have an accident (with baby in tow), then running back again to bathroom because baby just pooped (3 year old in tow who insists that he needs a treat for listening) and it's about to get all over me. Then there are the tantrums throughout the day too. Then I leak. . .yes, I still leak. It's quite embarrassing really. I look down and see the spot, sometimes about 3 inches in diameter, and quickly sling the baby. . .yup, that does the trick to hide my abundance of milk. And did I mention my gut? Now that is embarrassing. I can't even wear my clothes yet--still wearing my maternity clothing. Then my conversations throughout the day are at a 3 year old level or composed of "coo" or "ohhhhhh" so that the newborn understands me. I can go on and on. You moms know exactly what I am talking about.

Pedi's, mani's, coffee shops, shopping, going to the bathroom in complete privacy are all totally out of the question!

Oh, and I still have to make breakfast, and lunch and dinner. And I still have to do the laundry and pay the bills and keep my house somewhat decent.

The thought of going back to work comes up everyday, several times a day. However, the thought of both my children in daycare scares me and brings me to tears at times. I want to raise my kids, but I need a break too, even if it means working a little. How did my grandmother with 11 children do it? How does any mother do it, really? I did go to college, but what for? I feel like such a failure in some aspects of human life. Motherhood is about denying the mother. It's all about the children. It has many rewards. It has many wonderful, priceless moments. I love all the memories we are sharing. This is the hardest, most challenging job I have ever taken on. No nannies, no maids, no cooks, no fat wallets, just me and my DH.

So how do I find the balance to take care of me and take care of everyone and everything else? How to juggle? I saw this guy at the Washington D.C. mall juggling a bowling ball, a baseball, and something else that was even lighter, and I was amazed. Juggling three things of different weights and size. He did it with ease. How can I do that--juggle life with ease? How do I maintain my marriage, my children, my brain, my body, my spiritual pursuit, and my hobbies? I don't know, but I need to figure it out.

Maybe I need to move to the same city as mom and dad :)

My Friend

2009-08-09T17:40:00.002-05:00

My friend Donna blogged about a very sweet experience we had together a few weeks ago. I am so touched that she blogged about it--really. And she made a super cool card for me too! You can check it out on her blog. She makes amazing cards and really is an amazing person.

Go HERE to see it.

My Reality

2009-08-08T10:07:00.003-05:00

Facebook is an interesting place. At times, dependent on whoever posts, you can be quickly blasted back to the past of your former life. This past week I was whisked back to high school. Ugh, high school. I loved high school when I WAS in high school, but looking back, I am so glad I conquered that and looking back is something I rarely do. I like my life NOW--in the present tense.

However, one of my high school friends posted some old school photos of which I am in. I was taken down memory lane for a few minutes, remembering those times of trying to find myself, trying to fit in, trying to be cool. . .Of course, that is how I see it now, but while in it. . .I was just living a high school life.

Last night after some friends of our left our home after a wonderful fun dessert called shaved ice, I was laying on the couch watching my 3 year old play. We made eye contact at one point, and we just started smiling at one another (connection made) and then we started giggling. When I see B giggle and smile that gorgeous smile, I'm in love. . .really! It's not a frequent occurrence where I can absorb that beautiful smile, and play giggly returns with him. Life with a newborn is chaotic. So, as Aliya lay in bed asleep, I had my moment of pure joy with B.

I can't believe he is my kid. I can't believe I have two kids. I can't believe I am a grown up. I can't believe this is my life. In high school, I thought my road was a different one. But this is my life NOW, and I love it.

It's hard at times, but whose isn't??
It's a roller coaster most of the time, but that's normal.
BUT, it's absolutely fun--most of the time.
We laugh a lot that Mr. Yu and I.
We laugh a lot and snuggle a lot too.

After our giggle moment with one another, Daddy joined us and we just took silly pictures--we posed as robots, as monkeys,. . .we made funny faces, sad faces, shocked faces and sleeping faces. All three of us, like sardines on our small love seat.

This is my reality.

You learn something new everyday

2009-08-06T12:23:00.002-05:00

If you eat a good amount of cooked kale (one of my new favorite vegetables), your breast milk has a tint of green in it.

A cup of coffee with soy milk tastes good.

Homemade frozen meals are really yummy! Thanks Amy.

The $1500 rebate Obama promises when you buy energy efficient windows or AC is not as easy as it sounds. You don't just get a check written out to you for $1500.

My baby still needs to be tightly swaddled to sleep.

Pumping isn't so bad after all.

There is such a thing as liquid sand paper.

I could live somewhere else besides central Austin.

Brotherly Love

2009-07-27T17:19:00.000-05:00

a little breakthrough

2009-07-24T17:09:00.003-05:00

It's been nice to enjoy a break from the triple digits heat these past few days. I know the high 90's may not seem like a break, but one can really enjoy the early mornings of coolness (the 80's) and the breezy evenings (low 90's) when you are use to melting all day long.

I feel like the weather is a good picture of my attitude towards parenting my challenging three year old. Since Aliya has been born, I feel like the heat turned up in our household and much more in my relationship with my son. It hasn't been an easy transition of having two children when the oldest has meltdown marathons daily. It's not like having a newborn, lack of sleep, my body trying to heal (which is slow apparently--at my 6 week post-partum checkup, I still have more healing to do), and all the nursing issues aren't already enough, ya know? So you throw in a 3 year old struggling with his new place in the family, and you get a very exhausted, emotional, and worried mother.

So the latest battle within me for the last few weeks has been trying to figure out what is my parenting style. OK, people, this subject opens a big can of worms among mothers. As I tried to figure out what is best for my three year old and for me, I found that my childhood experiences cannot be forgotten. How I was raised plays such a huge role in how I parent my children. Things that I hated that my parents did with me, I find myself doing the opposite with my child most of the time. Then when I have lost it. . .you know, when you could just bite down on a stick because you are so frustrated and angry with your child's behavior, I find myself doing the very things I didn't like my parent's doing to me. Then the aftermath of it all is guilt and regret. Then to spice it up a bit more, to the point of confusion, I found myself comparing myself to other friends' parenting styles (I know, I should never compare!) and feeling more guilty than ever. Then after a few books I read, I just didn't know what to think really. All I was left with was the pressure of trying to do the best thing for my kiddo and feeling like a FAILURE. I am sure you have been there if you have kids.

One night I had just put B to bed and was laying there just talking to the Lord about the child laying right beside me. I found myself in tears just telling the Lord that I didn't know how to raise this child He had given me. I don't know whether to spank or not spank? Or whether to do this or that? Or should I follow this philosophy or that one? And you know what the Lord spoke to me? Just be a God-parent.

Hmmm, a God-parent? Well, amen to that. I don't have to decide anything then! I just need to be sure to turn to Him, enjoy Him, and live Him out when I am with Benjamin. What a release I tell you. I don't have to measure myself up to anyone or try to be this kind of parent or that kind of parent. I really don't want to exude some parenting philosophy anyway! When Benjamin touches me and others see me, I want them to just see Christ and not anything else. So after this little conversation with the Lord I had an urgent desire to just read the Word and spend time with the Lord. I mean, how am I going to live Him out in my daily life if I don't eat and drink Him and enjoy Him?

So that's what I set out to do this week. This week was much calmer and less heated. The temperature registered at around 75 degrees with the occasional 90's. Much better from the triple digits that we were all experiencing from day to day. I am sure there will be more triple digits, but when the temperature hits that high, I will know that I am NOT enjoying the Lord.

It's the Little Things

2009-07-06T16:53:00.002-05:00

It's these little things that put a smile on my face.

Receiving a text from my husband that he loves me.

Hearing my 3 year old tell me randomly "Mama, I wuv you and Daddy and Aliya."

An iced chai latte.

A 4 hour stretch of sleep.

My 3 year old apologizing to me after a tantrum.

An empty kitchen sink.

A hug from anyone.

The smell of Aliya. . .that fresh baby smell.

A phone call from a friend asking me what i am craving.

A few minutes to check facebook, check e-mail and read someone's blog post.

Losing a pound.

Taking a shower.

B holding his sister and stroking her hair.

Sam coming home from work.

Getting some sunshine.

A day under 100 degrees.

Drinking a glass of ice cold water.

Rain.

A First

2009-06-29T15:28:00.005-05:00

Today was my first day alone with my children. My mom went home and Sam went to work. I had planned a trip to the library in the morning and then meet up with Hannah and her kids at the Children's Museum. Well, with only 4 hours of sleep broken up throughout the night, I was exhausted this morning. You would think that at 19 days old, baby would have her night time routine down, right? Haha, wishful thinking. She does her own thing with sleep and eating and pooping, and I just heed all the commands of those cries. I keep thinking, "Just a couple more months of this," but then I remember that B took about 5 months of the 2-3 hour feedings.

Anyway, I did too much people. Especially in this 107 degree heat. The news says it is 102, but I don't think so. . .feels like Arizona to me but add in the 70% humidity. . .it's just gross here in Austin. Anyway, so trip to the library was great. . .easy peasy.

Now, the trip to the children's museum was great until I sulked in my emotions about not being able to really "play" with Benjamin. I was slinging my baby girl and was sleep deprived so I had no energy to really play with him or offer any kind of educational conversations that I usually do. I felt terrible guilty and sad. I am having a hard time letting my little guy go. . .he is a big boy now, and I can't seem to really accept it. I sometimes feel that this baby girl has really come between my relationship with my one and only son. . .it's strange. I love Aliya, but sometimes I just get mad that it's just not the same anymore between the me and the older one. Poor Aliya, little helpless newborn who solely depends on me for everything. It's a strange feeling inside to be struggling with this. I miss it being just me and B.

The second issue was nursing while B got to spread his independent wings. I positioned myself on a bench to make sure he wouldn't leave the building, but of course, I couldn't see him at all times. I was inwardly a mess to say the least. I kept thinking, what if someone takes my child, or what if he hurts himself or what if he can't find me and flips out? He would usually run to find me as if he knew that his mother was freaking out and would give me his big smile then run along and play. I felt like a bad mother. . .again.

The last ordeal was leaving the museum. . .B was not ready to leave and was exhausted. Put the two together and you get a tantrum. We are outside on the corner of 2 busy streets and B decides that he's not going home. I tried distraction, bribery, punishments, you name it and nothing worked. I almost cried because it was so hot outside, baby was crying, my son plopped himself on the sidewalk throwing a fit and I didn't know what to do. Finally, I just picked up my 40 pound child, carried the diaper bag on the other shoulder and used one hand to push the stroller half a block down to the parking garage. It was not fun. I kept thinking, "At least my muscles are getting a work out." As we arrived at the car, both kids are crying, B is fighting with me about getting in the car seat, then he starts his shoe throwing and I just start calling on the Lord. "Lord, you have to come into this situation!" Then I had to put the stroller in the trunk of the van, but I can't seem to get the stroller to collapse. . .great! I finally managed to have both kids in, stroller in the trunk, and I said out loud as if the whole world could hear me, "I am done! Two kids are enough. This is it!" I felt better.

We drove off and both stop crying and fall asleep, so I decide to cry. I cry because of sleep exhaustion, because i feel like I am melting (literally and emotionally) and because I feel alone. All I wanted at that moment was my husband to hold my hand and say, "Love, it's going to be ok."

Both are still asleep, so I will try to catch a quick nap, but wanted to vent first.

I will say, I did manage to read some verses from the Word this morning hoping it would be a magic pill to keep me from breaking down today, but what has happened is that those verses kept coming back to me as I was complaining and feeling sorry for myself,". . .be holy in ALL your manner of life; because it is written, You shall be holy because I am holy." 1 peter 1:15-16 I was reminded that in this, in parenthood, it is possible to be holy if I can just get to my spirit. Holy meaning just expressing God in whatever we do. . .expressing Him as I am putting my infant in her car seat, expressing Him while carrying my screaming pre-schooler to the parking garage, expressing God while driving home.

Breathing

2009-06-27T18:13:00.004-05:00

Did you know that newborns cannot breathe through their mouths? They only can breathe through their noses. At some point, not sure when, they figure out how to breathe through their mouths. So after an emergency run to the pediatrician and a night stay at the children's hospital, we found out that our daughter has nose congestion which caused her to turn a little blue around the mouth during a feeding. Makes senses when you know they can't breathe through their mouths.

What a long night it was at the hospital as she was hooked up to a few machines. They had to watch her oxygen levels for 18 hours, as well as her heart rate. Sure glad we are home, but we are very sleep deprived. My mom left yesterday and we are wishing we had an extra set of hands to hold the baby or play with B so that we could nap today. Oh well.

In the words of Sam and all his buddies, "We can make it!"

Some Help

2009-06-26T21:02:00.005-05:00

After a very upsetting episode with Benjamin on Thursday, I sought out some help.

Here is what happened. After Sam and I decided that our three year old needed some alone time with just mommy and daddy, we headed out to the local movie theater to watch Up. We had a great time as Daddy and I took turns letting B sit on our lap. B loved it. But then, it was time to go home. Time to get back to reality which means for our three year old, time to share mommy and daddy again with his new sister. Time to get back to his world that has been turned upside down. Of course, it was a fight. He began his two hour tantrum as we walked the parking lot. We drove home while he cried and screamed and kicking the back of daddy's seat. Then as we got closer to home, he took off his tennis shoes and threw them with much anger onto the floor (at least it wasn't my head or dad's).

We arrived home only to witness the worst tantrum we have ever seen in our household. I will spare all the details but will mention that he peed twice deliberately, threw things at the wall, and that it lasted for a long while. The entire time we tried every possible discipline technique we had read about or were familiar with. Nothing worked. I had to nurse the little one, so I sat there and tried to remain calm as I could hear the battle breaking out upstairs. The tears just flowed out. . .what is wrong with my 3 year old. This can't be normal. So I sat there nursing my little one trying to figure out in my head how to help him, but the problem was, I had no solutions. I had already reached out to everyone and still had no real answers. While the battle upstairs what at it's peak, I handed the baby off to my mom and went upstairs to join my husband calm our son down. I just hugged our three year old as he sobbed in my arms. At that moment, I knew I connected with him. His screaming and crying turned to whimpering. Then he was finally calm. Now that he was in a calm state, Daddy and I took the opportunity to talk him through all that happened and told him the consequences of his actions. He willingly went to time out, then finally apologized to us.

I was very traumatized by the entire episode. For the rest of the day, I would cry whenever I thought about it. We needed help. What was I going to do when Daddy went back to work? I can't handle this all by myself. And when my mom leaves, how on earth will I deal with my son? Feelings of guilt, anxiety, doubts just flooded me. I was a wreck.

After a friend's suggestion to seek out some professional help, I started to make some phone calls. I called a wonderful resource here in Austin called Family Connections. I thought they could at least recommend a therapist I could talk to about how to help my son get through this rough transition. A few hours after I left my message, Carol returned my call. Carol is a specialist in emotion coaching and gives workshops to mothers on helping their children learn to control their emotions through positive reinforcement. She assured me that I didn't need to see a therapist, and that my son was very NORMAL. What a relief.

After our 30 minute conversation and lots of tears on my end, I felt like she handed me some tools to work with to get my son back to his happy self. She recommend a website called Hand in Hand parenting which I found to be extremely helpful. I was able to tell her B's behaviors in details and she gave me the words to use when it happens again. She also explained why he was eliciting certain behaviors and what he was actually thinking. It all made sense. Gosh, why am I so dense when it comes to my son?

Here are some articles that really helped me and Sam:

Do Children Manipulate Their Parents
I Want in Now!
Being in Control

I just wanted to share this because I know that when moms are desperate, they google "newborn and three year olds" and find people's blogs. I did this too. So Maria, if you are reading this, please leave me your e-mail so we can keep in touch. We have to get through life's changes and phases with others. As they say, "It takes a village to raise a child." It takes family, friends, neighbors, books, internet and the Lord to raise a child. . .well, that's how I feel.

I hope I can share some more positive experiences here on my blog after practicing some things that Carol taught me and not just my fears, frustrations and anxieties.

I am taking it one day at a time.

Day 13

2009-06-23T15:09:00.004-05:00

It's almost been two weeks that Aliya arrived. She is a sweet baby girl who LOVES to eat, loves to be held in our arms, and is the recipient of B's affection. He loves to stroke her black silky hair, give her kisses on her chubby cheeks, hold her in his arms with such big brother pride, and wants to be around her most of the time. I am very thankful that B adores his new little sister and has not tried to sit on her, or pinch her, or hit her or throw things at her (yet!).

However, we are having great difficulty with B in following directions, getting in a routine again, and just being his sweet self with us, particularly ME. I know having a sibling is a hard adjustment on any three year old, or rather, any first child, but I really had no idea that B would resort to full blown out tantrums that involve hitting me (in particular my breasts--probably because his little sister is attached to them most of the day taking away time and attention from him), yelling at us, throwing things at the walls, peeing on the floor or his bed deliberately, saying things like, "I don't want Aliya anymore. Take her back to the doctor." I know, I know, this is all so normal--the books say it and so do all my friends. However, all my friends who have more than one kid haven't seem to relate all that much. . .maybe because the first born is a girl, or their son was just a laid back child, or they just had no problem adjusting at all, or even, they have just forgotten. So, I feel a bit alone in this area. I feel lost, helpless at times, and guilty.

So, the only thing left to do is hand it over to the Lord. . .I surrender Lord, really!!!!! Sam and I had some sweet prayer this morning about Benjamin. What a relief to admit to the Lord that we can't do it, we don't know how to care for our son, and just tell the Lord that He has to be our wisdom, our words, our reactions, our love, our way of disciplining, and our life.

So, Sam heads back to work tomorrow. My mom is here until Friday. I think next Monday I will be in tears, scared out of my mind, wondering how on earth I am going to take care of two kids. I know woman do it all the time, my friends have done it, and this kind of thing is happening all the time. But still. It's all new to me. I have never done this before nor have I been around someone going through it. And did I mention that I don't do well when my independent wings get clipped a little more? Did I mention that I don't like being limited. . .even by my own children? And did I mention that I don't do well on sleep deprivation? So, i just don't know how it will all go down. I know deep in my heart that I will get through this, and that it will all be ok. I just don't know how?

On a positive note. . .yes, there are wonderful things about having a baby. I am very thankful and grateful to the Lord for giving me my children. With all of B's particular traits and A's being a barracuda when it comes to eating, I am content. My heart is overjoyed to have healthy little ones and feel privileged to be given the opportunity to raise useful vessels to the Lord. Even though it is tiring, heart wrenching at times, and limiting, it is a blessing. How strange is that?

Life is peculiar that way.

Aliya's First Day

2009-06-20T12:32:00.000-05:00

Oh, all the change

2009-06-19T17:23:00.002-05:00

My three year old has been screaming for 2 hours. . .nothing can console him. He is sleep deprived and adjusting to all the change of a new sibling.

Help! I have cried several times today in frustration and guilt. I feel like a horrible mother, but Sam assures me I am not. Oh, if we could just get over this hump.

Good news: my friend dropped off her miracle blanket, and the thing actually works. Baby has slept in her little bed for three hours now. . .wowzers! Maybe tonight we can all get some sleep.

An another note. It's father's day on Sunday and I feel terribly guilty that I haven't gotten my husband anything. . .and he is an incredible man.

A Foggy Past

2009-06-19T02:57:00.001-05:00

Excuse the long post. I need to articulate what's going on right now for posterity's sake. I also need to vent.

It's 2:45 am and I have decided that blogging is better than attempting to sleep with one week old. I use "attempt" because it is quite the case. I have tried co-sleeping, but end up getting a 30-45 minute cat nap. I have tried the co-sleeper, but she will last about 5 minutes. Her favorite places to sleep are the sling and human arms. Hey maybe someone could invents a mechanical arm that feels like a human arm that is attached the mother, so that while the mother sleeps, these mechanical arms could hold baby and rock baby while mother gets the rest she needs to feel human again. . .and not like a zombie.

Week one has felt like a month.

Delivery was wonderful. . .yes, wonderful as my last deliver with my son was quite a memory. . .a bad memory. I anxiously dreaded delivery number two thinking it would be the same, or worse, or maybe just a tad better, but still bad. I was wrong-thank God. It was a smooth 2 hour labor that was induced, got the epidural when I was almost at 9cm dilated (a little late but needed for that second degree tear--much better than a 4th degree tear!!!), had a wonderful labor coach to get me through those half artificially-half natural evoked contractions that were quite intense due to pitocin, and had fantastic nurses the whole way through. A special thanks to Hannah for holding my hand through those contractions and telling me I was doing a great job.

So, I have a problem. I can't remember what to do exactly with a newborn. The first few weeks with B are a foggy memory. . .probably because I was on high doses of Vicadin (nasty 4th degree tear), and major sleep deprivation. All I remember was crying a lot yet loving a lot. Newborns are so helpless that you just love them to no end. Here are my questions that I daily ask myself: Does nursing on demand really mean at any moment the baby roots? Is it really ok that baby does not sleep anywhere else but your arms or at your bosom those first few weeks? Is it normal that I feel like I am in a fog all the time? Is it normal that my three year old tells me that he doesn't like me anymore and whips out his hand pretending it is a saw and then proceeds to tell me that he is sawing off my arms as he "saws" into my arm and then does the same to baby? I need answers!!!!

I found myself calling people today asking if theier babies slept in a bassinet those first few weeks, or it just my baby that is on strike against anything non-human? I found myself asking my neighbor today if her kid was on the boob most of the day, or is it just mine that seems to think that all that matters in life right now is being attached to me via the boob? I laugh as I write this because deep down I know the answers. Yes, it is NORMAL for a brand new baby to want to be right where mama's heart is beating, after all, that's all she heard for 9 months. Yes, it is normal for a baby to feed all day long. . .how else is she going to grow and thrive. . .and how else is she going to bond with mommy? Yes, it is normal that Benjamin is feeling some jealousy and wanting his fair share of attention. . .it's just exhausting for me to think of the best way to say things to him without his feeling getting hurt. He is a sensitive little fellow.

However, I find myself second guessing myself throughout the day. Maybe I need to do this, or try that, or consider this and that. Do I really believe in attachment parenting, or do I still think that training is the way to go? Or do I fall in the middle? The words of my lactation specialist keep coming back to me, "Just go by your motherly instinct." The authors of all those parenting books don't know me, nor do they know my child. They just pose options for the reader, but it is the reader's responsibility to figure out what is best for them. My problem is, I don't know what is best. Maybe if I got enough sleep, I would make a responsible decision, no? I don't know.

So here is a summary of week one:

Baby weighed in at 8 pounds only to drop to 7.5 lbs and worry the pediatrician, so I had to supplement with formula for a day. Devastating for a mother who wants to 100% breastfeed baby.

Baby rejected the breast after two feedings of the bottle. Mother freaked out!!!! Mother was very mad at pediatrician's advice. So DH set off to by the S&S nursing system for a whopping $60. . .only needed it for one day and baby was back on breast.

Nursing issues. . .it hurt!!!! Had to see a lactation specialist. She was the one I used with Benjamin and she is just wonderful. She is the one person I speak to on the phone daily as she is the one person that calls me daily to ask how I am doing besides my mother.

Sam and I got very acquainted with Baily Medical Square as baby needed to get blood drawn three days in a row for a bilirubin count. . .she has jaundice. . .almost high enough to get a jaundice blanket, but good think baby nurses like a barracuda every two hours that she just poops that jaundice right out.

Ate pig feet soup for the first time--ancient Chinese recipe to help produce more milk. I ate it just for a photo opportunity, and it actually tasted good. Also ate lots of chicken broth that my MIL prepared, as well as red bean soup with were both delicious.

Fell more in love with my husband. He is a champ! He is very helpful with both children, beckons to my every call, relieves at any hour during the night, and gives me hugs whenever I cry (which is every day). I joke with him that if he had boobs, he would nurse the baby for me.

Love my three year old more. Having a baby brings out some really sweet things about him. He loves to kiss his baby sister, and stroke her black full head of hair, and help me with diaper changes, pumping sessions, singing songs to her, and other things. He is growing into his big brother role quite nicely. Yes, lots of tantrums and battles at times, but overall, he is doing great. Did I mention that he and Daddy have formed more bonding time while watching a show called "Wipe Out"? Benjamin will pick Wipeout over Curious George these last few days.

OK, it's now 3:30 am and baby is fast asleep in sling. I will attempt to put her in my bed right beside me and take a quick cat nap before her next feeding session. . .about 40 minutes.

Good night.

Life's Boxes

2009-06-01T15:28:00.003-05:00

I would describe myself as one who likes to follow the rules. . .you know, the one that is given a box to live in, lives in it, decorates it, even does some creative things with it, but remains within the confinement of THAT box. Perhaps I peek out occasionally, invite new things in, but I really like the box. This has been me almost my whole life. I claim I love change, but deep down it really does frighten me. Really!

Well, one thing that parenthood has done for me is helped me (gradually) live outside of some of the many boxes I possess, or even hold dear to. If you casually know me, you may perceive me as easy going, even living outside of society's little boxes. If you REALLY know me, you know that I can be tightly wound, at times rigid, a bit stubborn, and stress out easily. Yup, that's me folks. When things don't go my way or the way I had planned or expected, I can lose it. . .and lose it quickly! I can even break down :)

This past week, as life makes those interesting turns, I had to let go of one of my boxes.

I have never been a fan of co-sleeping, ya know, sharing a bed with a child. I had a hard time as it is when I got married. Sharing a bed with my 6 foot husband took some serious adjusting. The first 4 months of marriage I was a walking zombie. We eventually came up with a system where I went to sleep before he did, and then he would sneak into bed hours after I was fast asleep. It all changed after a few years, but that is how bad of a light sleeper I am.

Naturally, I always vowed that when I was a parent, I would always have my own room with my husband and no children in it. For one, I am a light sleeper, and two, I really need my space. Children should have their space and I should have mine! When Benjamin was born, he only slept in one place, right next to our bodies. . .and that was for almost 5 months. I reluctantly gave into co-sleeping as I was desperate for sleep. My husband loved it, but I on the other hand, almost hated it because I never slept. After those 5 months of sleeping with my baby, he started to sleep in his own room and in his own bed. It wasn't easy making this transition, but it happened. For two years, he really was a fantastic sleeper as long as he had a pacifier with occasional crying out (Which I can't believe I allowed--it was awful!).

I thought I had proved all the co-sleepers as wrong. . .I had won the battle of sleeping and I still had my own bed and my own room. My sleeping box was still warm and cozy and was exactly how I had wanted it. Fast forward to present day. Our kid is three and in our bed. I have asked myself these last few days, "What happened?" It's called unexpected change. It's called adapting. It's called, "No more I, but CHILD." It's called "Going with the flow." It's called, "It's not about me anymore." It's called, "Survival!" It's called, "Being a MOM."

A quick side note, a friend of mine of mine is expected to have her first baby soon, and she strongly feels that a child should not change your own rules that you have for yourself or for parenting. . .I just can't wait to talk to her in about 6 months and see how her rules have been broken :)

I am preggo with #2, I have a very sensitive three year old whose disposition does not allow him to go with the flow at times, and cannot handle change well (sounds like his mother, right?). For the last two weeks I had him in his little pre-school until 4 pm (when it use to be until noon) so that I could rest. So from his POV, I'd pick him up, spend a good hour with him, then dad comes home disrupting his personal time with mommy, then do some kind of little outing (park, grocery store run, Target run, Costco run, visit a friend kind of thing), then time for bed. Well, after a week of this, my sweet boy was fed up! His whole schedule changed so that I could get rest. His quality time with mommy was drastically cut, so that I could get rest.

So, he stopped sleeping at night.

It was almost as if he was protesting the change with his hourly wake up screams. Now people, he didn't just wake up and call for mommy or daddy. He screamed bloody murder! He would pound on the walls. He would jump on his bed out of anger. What did we do to him?

I thought he was acting out his anger on us for having baby #2.

I was scared with this new behavior and very concerned about B. So I made a few phone calls to some friends who suggested some books, and went to the library to check them out. Thank you Dr. Sears for your wise books!!!! If you haven't read The Discipline Book by Dr. Sears, you NEED to. It is very enlightening. For the first time I read about nighttime parenting. I thought parenting turned off when the kid went to bed. Turns out, my child needs me more than ever at night! I quickly realized Benjamin was missing his alone time with me. Right now, with big change so close, he needs me more than ever.

So I suggested to my DH, let's let him sleep with us. Yup, I suggested it. DH has always suggested him sleeping with us on those bad nights, but I just couldn't give in. I couldn't and wouldn't give up my personal space. I liked my box just the way it was and no three year old was going to kick it aside. The crazy thing about this recent development is that I really like it. I know he will eventually be back in his own bed.

I feel a bit LIBERATED from my own rules that I set up for my self and my family. Unwanted stress for no reason just seems silly right? Especially when you are about to have #2. I really do envy those who can just "go with the flow" or adapt quickly to change. I guess that's why Sam and I are a perfect match for each other. . .he doesn't sweat the small things.

Mother's Day with My Family

2009-05-30T16:01:00.004-05:00

This post is a bit dated, but nonetheless, it still needs to be blogged about because it was indeed a nice afternoon with all my immediate family, except for my little brother who was working. I feel that it is a rare event when we are all together for a long period of time--more than 2 hours or a meal. Despite the headache I had the entire time, it was such a pleasure to be with everyone enjoying our potluck sort of meal.

Waiting

2009-05-29T22:19:00.002-05:00

I am waiting for Aliya to arrive. Oh just come little girl! Excuse me for having not blogged for over three weeks. Much to tell, but too tired to write. Perhaps soon, as I breathe through each contraction, manage my household, care for my sensitive three year old, and catch naps whenever possible, I will blog about some things or post photos at least.

Until then, know that I am anxiously awaiting to hold my baby girl in my arms, snap photos of B holding his baby sister, and enjoy seeing my husband snuggling with his first baby girl.

I really thought she would be a May baby. . .looks like I am quite wrong.

Being led to what?

2009-05-02T09:30:00.007-05:00

A dear friend of mine always e-mails me on Fridays with her spiritual enjoyment/nourishment of Christian ministry messages she and her husband listen to every Thursday night. With our schedules, I don't have the luxury to do such a thing until maybe 10 o clock, when B is finally asleep, but then I usually nod off to dreamland because of these extra 24 pounds I am carrying around. So, I receive the healthy spiritual nourishment from her the next morning while I am at work. . .which is always timely as I am usually lost in numbers.

To make this quick, I will quickly jot down what touched me (Maybe not so quick!):

Romans 8:14 "For as many are led by the Spirit of God, these are the sons of God."

Study note: "The leading of the Spirit is not outward but inward. . .This verse speaks of our being led by the Spirit rather than the Spirit's leading us, indicating that although the Spirit IS ready to lead us, we MUST TAKE THE INITIATIVE to be led by Him. This means we must take Him as our life and everything and we must put to death everything of the old creation in us. We do NOT NEED TO SEEK AFTER THE SPIRIT'S LEADING, since it is ALREADY installed within us.

OK, so what I got out of it was that the Lord is not leading us to options. . .what car shall we buy, should we take this trip, should I speak to this person about the Lord, do I say this to my husband, etc. Rather, the Lord is leading us to sonship. . .to make us just like Him in life and nature. . .so that He can have an expression. The outcomes doesn't matter, but the process we are in matters.

For example. . .we are looking for a mini van. I have researched top to bottom of the internet, I am now very good friends with kbb.com and carfax.com, and I can talk the lingo of car shopping. . .but I have been stressed out about it. I have been praying that the Lord would LEAD us to the right vehicle. But really people, two weeks into it, I was tired of trying to figure it all out and exhausted with surfing the net trying to find the best deal. The Lord knows we need a car. The Lord knows our finances. The Lord knows our hearts. So, I FINALLY tossed this anxiety on Him and prayed something like, "Lord, I am done with this. Just gain something in my heart through all of this. I don't need a nice car, I don't need leather, I don't need X and X. . ..I just need You. You bring the car to us-the one that expresses YOU and not me and Sam." This was a prayer of surrender. I was through. I was defeated!!

So when my friend e-mailed me her enjoyment, it was a confirmation that the Lord ONLY cares about dispensing Himself into us. . .His children so that we can mature to become His sons, and eventually His heirs to enjoy all the He is, He's accompished and is going to do! The car means nothing, really. What really matters is that we are looking and becoming more like our Father.

I need to take more initiative to let the Lord LEAD me to His very person so that He can grow in my heart.

DH speaks up

2009-04-21T15:33:00.005-05:00

The below post is a result of days and days of discussions about minivans. . .

"it must be the subconscious rejecting the minivan"--DH

I am about to enter a new stage in my life: two kids and minivan. Not cool.

BUT, this article makes me feel better as I laugh at this mom's take on her minivan: Be warned, you may not like the article. . .

never mind. . .e-mail me if you want to read it.

Moment of Truth

2009-04-21T13:46:00.003-05:00

Place of moment of truth: Whole Foods Cafe

What caused moment of truth: Overhead speakers playing "Chains of Love" by one of my favorite bands, Erasure.

Events leading up to moment of truth: Driving around downtown trying to find Ben and Jerry's ice cream because it is free ice cream scoop day. Promised a 3 year old that he would get FREE ice cream and he keeps questioning why we aren't there yet. Turns out that B & J closed their downtown location and have one in Westlake. . .too far to drive.

Head to Whole Foods to deliver the promised ice cream, but instead it is gelato. Discuss minivans with DH on phone. Run into a friend of mine and discuss decks. . .we both want decks in our patio. Finally walk to the car to put tired and cranky 3 year old to sleep. Gees, no appreciation of the $4 gelato he just ate! Get to car. 3 year old says he needs to go potty. I ask him in all seriousness, "Do you really need to go potty?" C'mon now, the kid just got potty trained, and here I am annoyed that I have to walk him all the way back to the cafe to release his bodily fluids. Walk back to bathroom which seems to take eternity when you are 8 months pregnant. 3 year old pees, and wants a good explanation what "automatic flush" means because my description of it isn't sinking in with him. I am more annoyed. Walk out of bathroom, walk through cafe, and everything stops.

I hear Erasure singing "Chains of Love"on the overhead speakers.

Within a matter of seconds I am remembering my younger days bopping around to "Chains of Love" having no care in the world and thinking I was cool. The next few seconds I quickly scan the room. . .so many cool young professionals buying their organic lunches sipping their kombucha teas. Next few seconds, I scan my outfit. Wearing Dansko shoes--not cool! Wearing a modest shirt that accentuates my HUGE belly-not cool. Look at skirt--not cool. Feeling my pony tail--not cool because i just didn't feel like doing my hair this morning. Then it hit me.

I'm just not cool.. .

for a variety of reasons. . .some too embarrassing to list on this blog. As much as I tried to bop to "Chains of Love", I just just couldn't. As hard as I tried to sing along with it, I just couldn't. Those days are over. Those carefree days are long gone.

I'm a grown up now and not cool.

Night Time

2009-04-19T21:47:00.003-05:00

Sometimes I dread putting B down for bed because one of two things happen: 1) I have to read several books to him --which is quite a task when you are 8 months pregnant and sitting with him on his little IKEA bed trying to remain comfortable after he asks to read that one book over and over again while the one in the belly decides it's time to practice her acrobatic moves, or 2) he just won't go to sleep, and I go from laying with him in his bed for a few minutes, then sit on the floor next to the bed for another 10 minutes while singing songs to him (while trying to get comfortable with an 8 month belly and every now and then trying to catch my breath because baby in belly decides to move her body up a notch causing my lungs and other organs to literally be squished between my rib cage and her body), then followed by sitting outside his bedroom door for another couple of minutes. All the moving around puts a toll on the pregnant woman's body. And then I realize I just lost like 30-45 minutes of PERSONAL time.

Tonight was different. . .and very sweet.

He wanted to read only one book. . .about shapes. He is very excited these days about knowing his shapes. When I pull out the stick of butter to make cookies, he says with much enthusiasm, "A rectangle Mama!" Anyway, we read the book--only ONCE! Then I turn off the lights with much anticipation of him falling asleep right away (I did have him run around for an hour this evening!!) and he asks me to lay down next to him. I readily agree on this occasion because I have only 6-8 weeks left of just "me and Benjamin time" before I become occupied with a nursing baby. Normally, I try to help him put himself to sleep, ya know, self-soothe, but if truth be told, I love laying next to him, and just snuggling. Back to tonight's bedtime. . .

Then I do my normal stroking of the soft hair on his head while singing the same little tune we have sang to him since he was in the womb:

"Good evening (or morning, depending on the time of day) Lord Jesus,
Thank You for today.
Thank You for my family,
Thank You I can pray.
Good evening Lord Jesus to You I love to sing.
Thank You Lord for everything."

Then we start thanking the Lord for whatever comes to mind. Normally, my child thanks the Lord for the rodeo, and the ferris wheel, and for candy, and every now and then he will list off some family relatives (Mommy and Daddy included).

Tonight was different. He said, "Thank you Lord for Jesus. And God. And the meetings (the church meetings). And the Bible. And the saints (that's what we call other fellow believers). And the saints' swing set (today we were invited over to a believers' home for lunch and they had a fantastic swing set in their backyard). And baby Aliya (his sister. . .ya know, the gymnast inside my belly).

I was touched!

Thank you Lord for my son.

One of those days

2009-04-07T13:32:00.002-05:00

It's one of those days where I feel blah! Yes, just blah. I want to cry, but don't have the energy to do so. A.S. (my sweet asian sensation whose other name is husband) just called and asked if I was bummed out. "Yes" was my reply.

A.S.: Is it because you have a 7 month old parasite in your stomach?

Me: I guess so.

Yes, this parasite in my belly sometimes gives me the blues. . .well, not the parasite, but the hormones that she needs to grow. Other times I am filled with much excitement and anticipation to meet female parasite, but today, I am just tired. Tired of the backaches, tired of waddling, tired of looking so "BIG," tired of the freckles that have appeared on my face, tired of craving something but don't know what exactly. But really, I am tired of trying to figure everything out.

CHANGE will be coming soon. . .a second child. . .scary! Read this if you think it won't be scary! Anyway, and I am trying to figure it all out. Figure what out you ask? Well, in my previous post, I mentioned our new friend, called "budget." That in itself is a task. I have been trying to figure out how to afford a newer car, a repaired patio overhang, and all other kinds of household things/repairs/needs. I am trying to figure out if it will be possible to work from home when the parasite is here.

I should stop calling her a parasite, even though she really is one right now. I will call her Aliya, because that's what we decided to name her. . .baby A for short.

Tired.

Tonight is our weekly home meeting that we host. . .I look forward to it every Tuesday because I feel that God visits me through the other believers, but then I dread all the work that comes with it called cleaning and cooking.

Perhaps I won't be tired later.

Saving Money

2009-04-06T19:50:00.004-05:00

As I sit down in my computer seat ready to type away, I welcome the feeling of relaxation-finally! I finally have peace and quiet. My A.S. (Asian Sensation) and B just left to Staples to buy me some monoadhesive for my cards/scrapbooking (which I don't ever have time to do lately) and some other necessities as he has a coupon for $15 off a $15 purchase. Score! We get free stuff. I like these kind of coupons! I honestly feel the Lord is cherishing my A.S. since we are now on a BUDGET.

Yes, a budget. Can you believe we have gone six years of married life without a budget?! That's because we have never had to make big purchases, pay a major medical bill, or save for anything really. We have a house, two cars that run, and healthy bodies and no babies (the first three years), and when the first one came. . .we were so broke we qualified for Medicaid. His delivery was free as was all the health care in that first pregnancy. Of course, we were broke though. Couldn't really save that much, and what was saved was gone when A.S. was without a job for three months.

Now to the present: A.S. has a good job with health benefits. . .but those benefits aren't free. . .you have to pay for them. So with baby 2 about to arrive in two months, we have to save up for that deductible.

Those old working cars are now falling apart. We need to buy a car, and pretty soon.

Our home: it's great! Needs some work, so we need to save up for some home projects that we can actually somewhat afford now. It does only have 3 bedrooms and designed in a way that is not conducive to a growing family, but it will work for another couple of years. But when baby #3 comes. . .or shall I say, if that's what the Lord has for us--3 kids, then we will probably have to move. Then we need to save more money to afford another home, but that is still a couple of years away.

Credit Card debt: we need to pay it off. Enough said about this sore subject.

So now we are on a BUDGET! It's the first time in my married life that I feel my husband and I REALLY have to work together for mutual goals, which makes the process of it all much smoother because for once, we seem to be on the same page. I exaggerate when I sue words like, "for once," or "first time ever" or "finally!" Yeah we were in it together when we decided to have kids, or buying the futon, or going to eat here or there, or etc. For us to go on a budget is HUGE though! We both don't like budgets, but we know it's the responsible thing to do as parents. Being a grown up is sometimes hard.

So this post is dedicated to how we are saving money. . .I know, I know, I have already written a lot, but I think it is perfectly ok since I haven't posted in about 2 weeks. You don't have to read this anyway!

--I make a menu for the week every Sunday. I am now cooking 6 meals a week. . .whew! No more eating out! A.S. and I enjoy eating out and with a 3 year old who hardly eats, it's affordable. But we spend too much money on this form of entertainment, so that has come to an end. Pointers for cooking all your meals:
1) Buy the meat on sale that weak--this forces you to read the grocery ads
and flip through cook books beforehand, but well worth the effort.
2) Buy only what is on your grocery list.
3) When shopping with a 3 year old, bring lots of snacks or agree beforehand to
buy one box of chocolate milk so that they won't convince you to
buy something.

--We both work so we both need to eat lunch at work. No more eating out. Take leftovers to work.

--Turn off all the lights in your house when able. I love light. . .all light--natural and artificial, so I LOVE to have all the lights on. Not anymore, since we are trying to save a few dollars on that electric bill. Everything in our condo is electric so you can imagine how much our utility bill is!

--No more fun runs with B. We use to stop at Starbucks and have our bonding time there, or stop for a free balloon at Central Market but end up buying stuff, or stop for a quick yogurt or smoothie, or even head to a craft store just to wander around and of course, something I need is on sale. Now we just go straight home and make some creative snacks and paint or play with his pipes in the back patio.

--No more stamp club. That saves us about $40 there every month! Now I just use what I have, which is plenty.

--no more on-line shopping

--no more stops at Half Price books. . .I am trying to convince A.S. that is why we have LIBRARIES!

--no more store bought tea. I make it myself now :)

--no more pampering: manicures, pedicures, sleek hair cuts, expensive face moisturizers, make-up, etc. I really didn't spend much on this, but every now and then I would get this urge to pamper myself because I "deserved" it. Well, the way I rationalize it now is that I would rather have a safer, newer car than a pedi.

This is all new for us, but we are adjusting and enjoying the challenges a budget brings us. I think it bring A.S. and I closer too in a sense, but the budget can cause some turmoil just as well. I am learning to drop "my way" and "my opinion" when it comes to finances. . .which is HARD! I always think I am right. Aren't the wives always right? Dead right, unfortunately.

A very cool blog!

sand therapy

2009-03-20T14:10:00.004-05:00

I did something therapeutic today with my 3 year old.

I sat in a large rectangular sand box with Benjamin and played in the sand. As I sat there in the shade enjoying the breeze and the company of my son, it hit me. This is therapy. I forgot that I was 31 years old, wearing my nice work clothes that were slowly being sprinkled with sand, and just dug into that dirt making my birthday cake, my version of a castle with a mote, a bridge, a bus, or whatever else Benjamin commanded me to build. I love his imagination right now.

The best part was that we just let our creativity take off with few words exchanged enjoying one another's company. I had this sense that this little guy really is my buddy. I wasn't just there as mommy, but as his friend playing in his make believe world of buses, castles and trains. That's a boy for you.

Meanwhile, as I heed to every request of dirt molding. . .I enjoyed running my hand through the sand, digging my toes in the cool dirt, and just forgetting about everything grown up. Who cares that dirt is getting into the grooves of my Bulova watch, or that my pants are covered in dirt, or that on occasion I taste some dirt in my mouth, or that I am this larger pregnant woman plopped in a sand box. I was having fun and I was relaxed.

Relaxation is not so easy these days. Even sleep isn't relaxing anymore as I find myself tossing and turning to get comfortable or shaking the cramp out of my leg or readjusting that pillow that doesn't seem to stay between the legs. Good grief!

But then B called for me to check out his hideout, and as I stood up to find him, I was reminded that I was indeed a grown up after all.

Back to our routine of getting him in the car with some resistance and convincing him that he REALLY did need a nap. He told me as he got into his car seat, "You mean Mama!"

Can we go back to the sand box little guy? We were both happy there. But then the adult in me replied, "Of course not, we have to keep the routine going."

Maybe more therapy on Monday.

I'm Old School

2009-03-10T13:59:00.003-05:00

Everyday I ride the UT shuttle bus to work. I sit alongside students and grad students every morning and frequently remember my days as one. I use to blend in before the preggo belly popped out, but now, I stick out like a sore thumb.

Lately, as my back pain increases due to the EXTRA weight I am carrying around, I prefer to SIT on the bus instead of stand. Some mornings, normally T/Th, the buses are packed with students trying to make it to their 8 am classes on time, as I am trying to make it to work on time. As my belly grows, so does my frustration to this generation of college students. What happened to the thought of "Hey, there is a pregnant woman on the bus, I better ask her if she would like my seat." Instead, I get glares from the girls looking at my tummy probably thinking, "Ugh, I would hate to be her. . .pregnant and in college." Then I usually catch them trying to look at my ring finger to see if there is a wedding band. Good thing my fingers aren't too swollen yet to put aside my ring. . .whew! Then the guys just look quickly and turn away.

Sometimes I just want to scream at them asking if their mother ever taught them any manners. Like, maybe, get off your bottom and offer the pregnant woman a seat. What's up with this generation. No manners I tell you! Everyday as I hold on for my dear life to the pole where I am standing as the bus driver makes that turn to campus, my anger just rises! When I get off the bus I am sure that my blood pressure is escalated and the look on my face could kill someone.

Maybe I should take the higher road of humor and tell the unthoughtful, insensitive punk next to me that, hey, maybe I'm not octomom carrying 8 babies, but I do have one that gives me sciatica and lower back pain. Could you give me a break?

So this morning, I was relieved I could sit on the bus because there was actually a seat open.

Maybe I am just old school, but men and even women, need to learn to offer relief for the pregnant and the elderly. Note to self: teach Benjamin manners NOW! Hopefully my kid will learn to open doors for others, say thank you and please, always shake a stranger's hand when being introduced, pull out a chair for a female at dinner, walk on the side closest to the road when walking with a female/child/mother on the sidewalk, pick up his plate, and offer his seat when a pregnant woman walks in!!! Is that asking too much? I don't think so.

Maybe some little college kid will one day offer his seat to me on the bus. His mother would be proud.

it's back

2009-03-06T13:33:00.004-06:00

gestational diabetes.

I was hoping this time around, I could be spared from it, but these last two weeks I have had certain "cravings" that are strong indicators that it has set in. I started to prick my fingers an hour after every meal, and sure enough, on the meals that are on a diabetic's taboo list, my blood sugar was HIGH.

Now it's time to turn up a notch my simple math skills to calculate constantly the amount of carbohydrates I eat all day long. Carbohydrates are in everything except meats/proteins and most vegetables. This is how I think it through:

Breakfast: Allowed 30 g of carbs, but need to somehow eat dairy, fruit, and grains that equal 30 g. of carbs. A typical boring breakfast would be eggs, 1 cup of skim milk, half an apple and a piece of whole wheat toast totaling about 32 g.

Let's just say I have to read every label now and do the math. Last time I was able to memorize a lot of things and choose the brands that offered less carbs (like choosing a loaf of bread that tastes good and has a low amount of carbs per slice was challenging. . .all the multigrain breads were out!), but still taste yummy.

Snack: 15 g of carbs allowed. However, have to have some fruit in this snack because it is extremely important I follow the food pyramid since I am pregnant. Another boring snack for me: the other half of the apple from the morning, string cheese and maybe 5 whole grain crackers.

Lunch: Now I can have 45 g of carbs. . .woohoo! Lunch gets to be a little more creative. Perhaps a breast of chicken (no high fat meats for me. . .sorry pork!) with some salsa (no sauces for me since they are usually high in fat and carbs), 1/3 cup of brown rice, plenty of vegetables and some cheese or 1 cup of skim milk.

So what do I drink all day long? WATER, or when I have an occasional sugar urge, crystal light my friends. Some would argue that crystal light is evil with all those artificial sweeteners, but hey, I can't eat any sugar except the sugar in fruit, but fruit juice it totally out of the question! Fruit juice is a diabetics nightmare!

Snack #2 to keep up with those extra calories you need during pregnancy: 4 strawberries, a slice of sharp cheddar cheese and half a mini wheat bagel. . .bagels are bad bad bad for diabetics so you have to eat very little of one to stay in the safe zone.

Dinner: 60 g. of carbs, but for some reason I can't do fruit in this meal because my blood sugar shoots up in the evening with fruit. It's weird. Most diabetics can't have fruit in the morning, but I can. I guess it's my body chemistry or something. I think you get the idea of what I have to eat and how I need to calculate.

Now for foods I HAVE to stay away from. . .foods that rock my blood sugar in which I cannot even have a bite:

White rice
Any dessert
White bread
Fruit juice
Mangos, grapes, and honeydew melon
Soups
Eating out--particularly Chinese food and Italian, safest eateries are steak houses.

And did I mention I have to prick my finger 4 times a day and check the blood sugar. It's really fun--NOT! Benjamin thinks it's fun though. He gets a kick out of me bleeding through a self inflicted prick. . .boys!

So, I take my official glucose test next week and I am pretty sure I will fail miserably.

Cheers.

Terrific Three's

2009-03-04T20:17:00.004-06:00

Benjamin turned three today. As I watched him feed the ducks and play chase with Daddy, I just had to step back and marvel at how fast the time has flown by and at the fact that my baby is a big boy now. Even though he is in the TERRIFIC three's (a nice way of saying those terrible three's) leaving me to constantly battle him out on all sorts of issues, he is still a joy!

Here is B when he was only a few days old.

6 months old

1 year old

2 year old

Now here is today! Happy birthday "Munch!"

I can't Wait!

2009-02-27T14:17:00.001-06:00

I was down in the dumps this past Wednesday because I had left a sick boy with my parents only to return to work even though I was STILL sick. The entire morning I would find myself crying about my situation: I have to work, we are all sick (again!), my house is a disaster, I am pregnant, poor poor me. Yeah, it was silly, but hey, that's where I was that morning. A co-worker of mine, who I have known since I was 17 and is a dear sister in the Lord, came into my office to check up on me, and we just talked about mommyhood and the Lord.

When she walked away, I felt God had visited me.

Just earlier that morning I had told the Lord on my way to work that I was done with all of this and that He HAD to send someone to me because I had no strength to open my situation to anybody. . .mainly the part of struggling with motherhood and my Christian life. Of course, He came through. . .like usual :)

The next thing that happened, which brings me to this picture on the right, is that I responded to an add on Craig's list from a mom who was selling a box of baby girl's clothes for 40 bucks because she found out she was having a boy instead of a girl. I quickly replied to her post and added that I have some boy clothes that I could part with, and asked her if we could do a swap. We met up in Pflugerville, made the swap, drove him, ran into the house, opened the box and was made HAPPY!

Can I just say that I am SO happy we are having a girl?! All the depressed feeling just vanished instantaneously. The site of such adorable clothing made me happy. Happy! Happy! Happy! The best part of it all was that I didn't pay a penny for the barely used clothing. That poor lady got the poor end of the deal as I handed her my least favorite clothing of Benjamin's and the most used. I offered her money because I knew darn well that it was I who was getting the better clothing, but she refused. Anyhow, the rest of the evening I was on "cloud 9."

By the way, it may appear that I am crying in this photo, but what is really happening is that I am saying, "Oh my goodness, this stuff is too adorable. Look how cute Sam."

maybe it's time. . .

2009-02-22T11:39:00.005-06:00

for me to start scrapbooking. My hobby of card-making has been enjoyable, but I think it may be time for a change, as I am becoming less and less interested in it. I think I am one of those that enjoys "collecting" more than using. I was sitting here in our office, where all my card-making stuff resides, and I thought, "I'm just not getting my money's worth out of all this." I have been in a stamp club the last 6 months and I haven't really used all my new goodies. So, the question is, "How can I still use all my stuff without turning to a completely new hobby?" I really would like to pick up sewing again, but then all my cards stuff would sit and rot.

Sooooooo. . .What helped me make the decision is my dear husband. His hobby is photos--not photography, really, but snapping shots of our life in which I think is a skill because he seems to capture the essence of the moment without all the frilly stuff of photography. Don't get me wrong, I love photography. But I also like his style. . .no fancy equipment, just his take on our life. So, why not just pick up where he's left off in our family story telling, and put those photos on paper, nicely beautified with my stamps and tools, and write a little?

So to get me started, I want this.

Let's get started. . .oh wait, I almost forgot. . .I have the flu. Can you believe that in two months I have contracted three viruses that have put me out for a week each time? Pregnancy and germs are not a very good combination for me this winter. I keep telling myself, "This too shall pass." However, it's miserable being sick and trying to care for a sick 2 year old as well. Good thing all things come to an end at some point.

Simple Fixes

2009-02-19T08:14:00.002-06:00

I am getting ready this morning for work and Benjamin walks over to me with his shirt pulled up and rubbing his belly.

Benjamin: "Mama, my tummy hurts."

Me: "What would make it better sweetheart?"

Benjamin: "Pretzels make it all better."

Me: "Oh really?"

Benjamin: With full deliberation, "Yeah."

Well, if it's that easy to fix a tummy ache, let me give you some pretzels kiddo!! I wish all my ailments were cured with a quick and easy fix like that. Life is good when you are two.

good for me

2009-02-18T16:20:00.004-06:00

I managed to accomplish a few things today with only 4 hours of sleep last night. . .and those 4 hours of sleep weren't all at once, so I will ADD I am QUITE content with myself.

On my way to work, completely wrapped up in myself and in the fact that I am a true veteran to sleep deprivation, I managed to pull out my phone while driving (I know, it's a bit dangerous to do so these says) and call a dear Christian friend of mine, who without a doubt, always has a listening ear, and ask her kindly to tell me about her life since I am tuckered out with my own. We ended up praying together at the end. Thank you God!

I made it through 4 hours of work without my eyes burning shut.

I had a short discourse on what the Christian life is to me with a graduate student who sits outside my office. It all started because he asked me about being pregnant :)

I managed to get my kiddo to sleep in his own bed for his nap even though it lasted a mere 55 minutes.

I did a load of laundry.

Washed the dishes in the sink.

Did not go completely insane when my kid woke up from nap screaming and kicking for almost 30 minutes while trying to console him. He is in such a strange phase right now.

Managed to pee in the bathroom without the door swinging open with a cute preschooler who always asks the same question, "What you doing mamma?" Does he not understand the word privacy?????

Decided on a name for our baby girl. . .it changes daily :)

Went on a walk and managed not to beat myself up on what I didn't do today.

It's 5:30 pm and I am still awake. . .but longing for my bed.

It was a better day than some of my other days.

"happiness is an organized closet"

2009-02-16T09:12:00.002-06:00

There is a new Container Store billboard I see at least 2-3 times a day while driving home. It states: "Happiness is an organized closet." And for some reason the anal compulsive side of me changes the slogan in my head to "Happiness is an organized HOUSE." And then I think to myself almost every time, "See, I'm right. People are happy when their environment is organized." My husband would beg to differ.

I have a CONFESSION to make: I like clean and organized places. I love when my house is immaculate (which is never these days) and I love knowing where everything is (which is rare these days too). If it were up to me and if I wasn't as lazy as I am, I would label everything in our house. Hmm, maybe I could have a career in being a professional organizer?

Which leads me to my next CONFESSION to make: In 2nd grade, I sat across the aisle from a very messy boy--Ray T. His desk was such a mess that I volunteered myself after school to clean it up and organize it all without his knowledge. My teacher actually let me!!! So I took GREAT pleasure in organizing his desk, tossing out the broken pencils, straightening the crumbled paper, arranging his books in accordance with our class schedule. . .The next morning, he sat at his desk, bent down to grab a pencil, and a look of amazement was all over his face. Yes, I was proud of myself because 1) I could tell he liked it, and 2) I just felt like a better person for doing it. . .I was HAPPY!

So this morning, as I am quickly getting ready for work, I notice the pile of clothes I wore over the weekend thrown on a bench, then I notice our unmade bed, and then I scan the pile of papers that I am suppose to "sort" through on the dresser, and then I squint at the mess on my bathroom counter, and then I see my 2 year old's socks on the floor. As I descend the stairs to grab breakfast, I hung my head down in shame because the living room looks even worse. What has happened to me?

LIFE.

LIFE is really happiness.

My Cheat Sheet

2009-02-09T08:26:00.003-06:00

Sam got a job. . .hip, hip, hurray! He took a job as an interactive specialist at Convio Inc.

I have been meaning to post a great deal more, but it just seems nearly impossible to sit and type when inspiration floods the brain. However, when I do have time to SIT and TYPE, inspiration takes a quick coffee break and leaves me all alone. I hate when this happens.

Here are some things I want to write about, and I am just listing them out for my sake so that when I sit in front of the monitor quickly retrieving life's experiences and thoughts and come up with ZERO, I can glance at this list. . .a cheat sheet of sorts. Hah, a cheat sheet for blogging. . .ridiculous.

Here are some subjects to blog about:

-Life outside the box
--McDonald's
--Labor
--Mr. Yu
--Watching your child suffer
--1600 square feet of stuff
--Pregnancy Woes
--No More Birthday Gifts
--How one was raised
--Awaiting, anticipating #2
--Keeping in touch
--the Bachelor. . .um, maybe not
--Breaking your own rules
--Cooking, the only thing I feel good at
--Health Insurance. . .the pros of a high deductible plan v. the PPO, which rips you off
--All about the 30's. . .in response to nicole's fear of turning 30

That's about it for now. I am running on 4 hours of sleep because someone decided to get sick, have a 103.1 fever all night and have those fever dreams we all hate while keeping me and Daddy awake only to soothe him back to sleep. At one point he asked me to rock him in the rocking chair like a baby, hold him , and cover him with a blanky. . .awwww, just too sweet. Makes me want baby #2 to come NOW! Really.

Off to get some fresh brew somewhere other than here.

Mr. & Mrs. Yu

2009-02-02T17:25:00.001-06:00

Happy anniversary to us! We just had our 6th wedding anniversary this past Sunday, and let me just say, I still totally and completely love the man I married. We spent the entire weekend without Benjamin so that we could be two little lovebirds enjoying one another without the distractions of our adorable son, and oh yeah, and to catch up on sleep. Did I mention we have been sleep deprived lately??

One would think on such a special occasion that you would find us in some trendy hotel on South Congress, or perhaps in some swanky dining spot like Wink (we did that last year), or maybe even on a getaway trip to the Hill Country, but instead, we opted for home. That's right, we stayed at home watching movies, enjoyed Lady Bird Lake, and ate at some local spots. One of the highlights was Flip Happy Crepes--a unique place that sits on a vacant lot in a trailer owned by some moms. It was delicious! Apparently they showed up Bobbly Flay on the Food Network.

There was nothing like hanging out with my husband all day long, doing whatever we wanted to do, and just enjoying one another's company. Of course, we both missed Benjamin terribly, but I kept telling myself to forget about it because he was having the time of his life with the grandparents. Thanks Mom and Dad.

This photo was taken on February 1, 2003--our wedding day.

Turn Your face to the Son!

2009-01-26T19:07:00.003-06:00

I made a card. I haven't made cards in over three months because I have been too nauseous and too tired. However, first trimester is long gone and I can have a cup of coffee and have energy to stamp a little. I know I have my own cad blog now, but word press necessitates that I re-size my photos, so I just decided to post it here.

I like this quote on the card, "Be like the flower, turn your faces to the sun." Lately, I have been having to look away from my situations and circumstances, and just look to the Lord. It's been tough these last few months with all sorts of things like a new job, pregnancy (lots of vomiting), Sam's job situation, and blah blah blah. Lately, I have been finding myself telling the Lord that I just can't make it another day without sleep, being a mom, a wife, a home meeting hostess, etc. You get the picture.

However, my refuge has been the Lord. Since I have been so desperate to make it through the day, or even a morning, I have started to read my Bible more regularly. The Word has been such a supply for me. I can't tell you the difference it has made in my every day life.

I was thinking earlier today, what is it that I want that I know will make me happy? A maid to clean my crazy house perhaps? A cook to make us dinner? A lot of money to get us some new vehicles, a bigger house, a better mattress, some nice jewelery, or even so that I can quit my job? Or maybe exchange my child for one who will sleep through the night and take naps and eat his veggies? Or how about a nanny, so that I could take a nap? I realized though that nothing will truly make me happy, except finding the Lord in my limited situation. . .face the giants and let them be MY food instead of them devouring me.

We'll see how tomorrow will be.

Exhausted, but. . .

2009-01-24T16:00:00.001-06:00

it's all good. After B gave up his pacifier a few days ago, we are walking zombies. Well, he isn't really, but Mr. and Mrs. Yu are. You see, we are sleep deprived. Maybe you wouldn't notice it on me because 1) I've been wearing a tinted moisturizer to cover up the dark circles under my eyes, 2) I have added rouge to cover up the pasty look on my face, and 3) I wear jewlery daily so that you won't focus on my face :)

We're so tired!!! Last night was the worst. We woke up every two hours starting at midnight until 9 am this morning. Our pediatrician recommended we walk him back to his bed every time he comes into our room instead of letting him climb into our bed (co-sleeping doesn't work for me since I am a light sleeper) and also trying not to lay down with him in his bed. However, there are episodes of tantrums and crying. It's rough. Hopefully, tonight will be better. I keep telling myself it can only get better. You see, the child doesn't know how to self soothe himself back to sleep since he relied on his pacifier for almost three years. Yeah, not sure if I will introduce the paci with baby #2?? Needless to say, I find myself in moments of anger because he just won't sleep, and I am just so tired.
After looking at these pictures, I can't help but just squeeze my little guy with a big hug and kiss him all over. He is just adorable. It's ok that I am losing sleep, right? He's growing up, and part of growing up is learning how to self soothe himself back to sleep. Heck, I am still learning how to put myself to sleep when life is stressful. My new attempt is warming up one of those buckwheat, home made pillows in the microwave and putting it on his forehead to help him calm down. It worked for today's nap. But then I keep thinking that this may eventually be an artificial self soother. Any suggestions?
So what do you think of our little Asian sensation? This outfit was a gift from Sam's aunt in Vancouver. It's almost Chinese new year, so this was a perfect photo oportunity.

Oh yeah, and our 6 year anniversary is coming up as well. We were married on Chinese new year 6 years ago.
I must end here as B is telling me "to come and see ski and ice." I wonder what that is? Perhaps ice skating?

Almost 3

2009-01-19T16:51:00.004-06:00

It's happening. Benjamin is growing up. Two weeks ago during the winter break, we hopped in our car and made the trek to Ikea to buy a "big boy" bed for Benjamin. We loaded up our cart with a new comforter, a new pillow, a new mattress and a new extendable twin size bed. He was all excitement with our new purchase, and was anticipating sleeping in his big boy bed the rest of the day. The moment came to dissasemble the crib, and emotions flooded me, Mommy, with excitement, fear, and sadness. He's not my baby anymore. Of course, the baby days aren't completely over--we still snuggle and give kisses to each other. . .he still asks me to carry him (even though I really shouldn't anymore), and he still runs to me when he needs comfort and someone to make the booboo all better. HOWEVER, he is 3 feet tall, weighs like 40 pounds, puts me in "time out" and sometimes refuses to hold my hand because, as he puts it, "I a big boy."

Stop growing Benjamin. I'm not ready! But as we all know, life just takes its course whether we like it or not.

About an hour ago Benjamin decided he was through with his pacifier. WHAT? I don't think Daddy was ready for what we heard, nor was I, really. . ."Cut my paci." So, I went ahead and followed my orders (after asking B about 4 times whether he was sure about this sudden decision) to cut the pacifier. Gasp! I snipped the paci in half! The end of a stage. . .the baby stage (sigh).

Perhaps another night of no sleep. I don't know. Parenthood is indeed an adventure--you never know what each day will bring. It's hard, it's tiresome, it's inconvenient but absolutely wonderful!

Now, it's on to potty training. . .we've moved up to pull-ups, but just today he told me he was a "baby" as he refused to sit on the toilet. So maybe my big boy is still a "baby" after all. . .well, at least when it is convenient for him :)

Here is a pic of B and his big boy bed. Olivia, our neighbor, is enjoying Thomas the Train right along with B.

Koh-I-Noor Fun!

2009-01-06T14:57:00.002-06:00

This is what I have been up lately--I've been coloring Melanie's Year of the Flowers stamp sets (one of my new favorites) with my new Koh-I-Noor blendable pencils. You blend the colors with baby oil and a wooden stump--how cool is that?! I debated on Saturday while standing in the art aisle at Michael's whether to buy the Prisma color pencils which would have cost me $40 after a coupon, or the Koh-I-Noor which would cost $10 after the coupon. Well, I let our finances decide for me, but I do wish I had more of a selection of color choices since the K pencils only have 24 colors to choose from. I figure I am a beginner, so let's just go with the K pencils. The truth is, I really wanted to buy these $130 markers called Copics that Melanie let me play with, but Sam said that was out of the question!!

Now to make all these flowers into cards. Can't I just color??? Coloring is totally therapeutic for me, unlike coming up with a card design.
On a personal note, I don't know if it is the pregnancy, but I have been more sensitive, emotional and more blunt with others than usual. I get my feeling hurt easily and I react to things much quicker. Ugh, I just hate the roller coaster of emotions right now. Little things can set me off in a matter of seconds. Perhaps it could be the Lord just showing me how much MORE I need of Him. I don't know, but I don't like it. I just need a HUG!!!!

*If you didn't know, I am 4 months preggo! We are super duper excited. I have not announced the news or anything like that-- until right now, this very second-- because of my miscarriage earlier this year. Sorry if this is how you are finding out, but please understand.

It's 2009!

2009-01-02T22:01:00.000-06:00

Happy New Year!! Benjamin leaves the trike behind (in the background), and starts the new year off on his Hot Wheels bike!

Yeah, he's a big boy now. He also moved into a "big boy" bed. He's still transitioning, but is well on his way.

I can't believe it is 2009! New year's resolution time :)

Chanpong Wedding in Berkeley

2008-12-25T09:09:00.002-06:00

Here is a quick post of the lovely Leslie and Jojo Chanpong--our good friends who were married in Berkeley last month. . . you can see more photos on our smugmug site. AND, here is a picture of me and Sam. . .still totally in love with each other after almost 6 years!! Time flies when you are having fun ;)

My MOST favorite thing in the whole world

2008-12-22T11:31:00.002-06:00

It all started about 4 months ago. . .when I began to work at UT.

It's 7 am, I am rushing to get ready for work when I hear, "Mama? Mama?"

It's B, and he's awake and wants me to get him out of his bed. So, being the sucker I am for cuddling, I grab him from his crib that is full of blankets and stuffed animals, and walk him over to our bed where Sam is still asleep and a large down comforter awaits us. I plop B in the center of the bed, and lay next to him in my bathrobe while my hair is still wet from my shower and we just snuggle--just me and him.

Then I tell B to wake up Daddy so that we can have our morning ritual of family snuggling and last minute lethargy before I head out like a maniac for work.

B climbs on Daddy, touches his face, plays with his lips as if to make music, and Daddy finally utters the words, "Hi Benjamin" in his sweet Daddy voice. Daddy is happy to be awakened by his happy toddler who is covered in fleece from head to toe. Then we just hug, and snuggle, and kiss each other while B wipes away all our kisses because that is his new thing these days. So I wipe his kisses off too and them smother them all over my face to get a cute laugh out of him with that glowing smile.

Then, usually, I am really running late, and so I tell B I have to get ready for work. His reply is always the same, "No, Mama, no go work. Stay here!" Then he give me a big bear hug to keep me in place. Then Daddy always says, "You can snuggle with me B." Then B tells me, "Go Mama."

Then I walk off wishing I could stay in bed and just stare at the two loves of my life snuggle and laugh, wrestle and tickle each other. But then I remember the exact same thing will happen again in the morning. It's our Yu ritual. . .snuggle time in the big bed.

Nasal Irrigation and Such

2008-12-17T16:53:00.002-06:00

So, if you haven't heard, Austin weather has been the pits! One day it is a beautiful day-- sunny, high in the 70's kind of day, AND then out of nowhere, I mean nowhere, a cold front comes in and the weather drops like 15 degrees in a matter of hours. And this keeps happening every few days. This is problematic for someone like me, who walks to work, who has no tolerance for the cold, and whose immune systems is just average.

Yup, I caught a cold, and a nasty one.

Unfortunately, the Neti pot (if you click on this link, you can find a video of the Neti pot--it makes for good laughs) did not come through this time in preventing a sinus infection like it did last month. This cold just snuck up on me, and now I have spent the entire, yes, ENTIRE day in bed, blowing my nose, wishing I could breathe through my nostrils, and in hopes that I could fall asleep. No sleep still.

I am still irrigating the sinuses though. . .the thought of bacteria forming just grosses me out.

I am on antibiotics, a decongestant (which you have to sign for now at the pharmacy because crazy people turn this stuff into meth), the neti pot, and consuming lots of hot tea. Thank you MIL for my hot water dispenser! The sad part about all of this. . .I just feel miserable, and my POOR DH has to take care of everything since I am out of commission. I reminded him last night that we are together "for better or worse, and in sickness and in health. . ." We recently went to a wedding and the couple chose to use the traditional vows (which I haven't heard in a long time since almost everyone these days make up their own--including us!!!), and was so deeply touched by them. I love you Sam!

I hope I can make it to work tomorrow. Off to irrigate the sinuses.

The Rock

2008-12-12T11:50:00.006-06:00

I think I may have lost my readers due to my inability to write something on this blog of mine due to a lack of motivation, and for a good reason too.

Is anyone there? Anyone clicking on my blog? Anyone care to know the deets on the Yu household?

Well, I am back--for now :)

Hello world! We just got back from a wonderful trip to northern California to attend JoJo and Leslie's wedding--Berkeley was the place of the event and San Francisco was the place to be toured. The highlights of the trip (for me, that is) were the dinner before the wedding at this quaint restaurant called Citron in Berkeley where the food was just delicious, the wine just perfect--paired perfectly with the food (I only had a few sips though), and the desserts were not to be forgotten. . .I had the pumpkin cream brulee while my beloved had pears soaked in red wine accompanied by sorbet. Pictures of these desserts are on our smug mug site. E-mail me if you want the link.

Another highlight for me was the night tour of Alcatraz. I prepared myself for this small trip by watching The Rock and Escape from Alcatraz the week before. Escape from Alcatraz (suggested by the bride-to-be) is based on the true story of three men who escaped from Alcatraz in the 60's. Their bodies were never found, so either they did indeed escape, or were drowned in the frigid bay while the current swept them out to the Pacific Ocean. Personally, I think they escaped and fled to Mexico or somewhere in South America. . .other prisoners mentioned that they were all learning Spanish in prison before their escape. Clint Eastwood was the star of this flick, which I highly recommend. Anyway, let's talk about the night tour.

Our boat departed at 4:30 to the island in which were just breathtaking views of San Francisco. It was a bit chilly, but any excuse to snuggle up to my honey was welcomed! Unfortunately, Sam's camera died. . .yes, DIED! And I FORGOT to bring my digital. . .it was left in the rental camera. So, no pics of Alcatraz unless Jachin and Tony took some pics of our adventure to the Rock. We arrived at the island, and walked the prisoner's walk to the gate of Alcatraz. Without this post sounding like a lesson on Alcatraz, I will spare you of all the interesting stuff I learned on this tour and the details of the entire prison. But let me say one thing, Alcatraz was not a rehabilitation prison. It was a controlling prison. The only men that came to Alcatraz were the ones who would not comply with other big prisons. . .they either had tried to escape or caused a lot of trouble in another prison. Once they were controlled at Alcatraz, they were sent back to their respective prisons. So these guys were the bad guys, the trouble makers, the heartless, etc. Al Capone is one famous prisoner of Alcatraz. Imagine being the security guard of Al Capone? Crazy! Another interesting thing about Alcatraz is that they had one prison guard for every 3 prisoners. They knew all about you, even when you had your bowel movement. Today, there is one guard for every 20 prisoners, so you can imagine how trapped these prisoners felt.
So, escape was impossible--well, that was the myth anyway.

And did you know that families of the guards lived on the Rock? This was news to me. I think it would be very interesting to research memoirs of living on Alcatraz as a child. They too believed on the myth that no one ever escaped.

Anyhow, you can imagine how creepy it was to tour Alcatraz at night with dim lighting. At one point, everyone was in an information session after the tour, so I walked back in to find a particular info session and was all by myself. I had to turn back and go back outside. It was creepy!!! Ah, but the view of San Francisco from that island was stunning. Apparently, the prisoners could hear the sounds of San Francisco and the smell of the Ghiradelli factory across the bay. . .it was only 1.5 miles away. Poor prisoners, teased my the nightlife and the rich smell of chocolate.

Please excuse all the scattered thought and the lack of fluidity with this post. Give me a break, I haven't written in over 2 months.

Oh, I almost forgot, the wedding was great too. As soon as we walked in, we sat down for lunch, and then the wedding ceremony followed. That was different, but very neat (especially since I was starving!). The location of the wedding was gorgeous. Please see the pics at Smugmug. . .I am just not in the mood to upload photos to blogger right now. I do apologize.

More on another post.

One more thing. . .another TOP highlight for me was having fellowship with our friends about the Lord and His move over dinner.

President Elect

2008-11-10T11:41:00.001-06:00

I forgot how close I was to the President Elect almost two years ago. Check it out HERE!

Update

2008-11-09T20:03:00.006-06:00

I have dropped off of the blogosphere. I haven't decided when to come back, but let's just say I haven't been inspired to write ANYTHING.

Things I'll Never Outgrow

2008-10-27T15:22:00.004-05:00

My friend Nicolle had a post recently on her blog about things from childhood she'll never outgrow, and I thought, "Hey, that's a great idea for a post." It is always interesting to hear what other people like/love/hate, etc.

So, here are the things that I can never outgrow.

1. Swinging at the park, and then getting so high to make that big jump! I still do it, and still love it!
2. Hula Hoop
3. Four Square--this game rocked as a kid, but today, I can never find 3 other people to play it with me!
4. Pop Tarts--I actually haven't had one of these in a long time. . .maybe I need to make a special trip to the grocery store.
5. Fruit Leathers
6. Lucky Charms--Sam loves them too!
7. Hot Cocoa with lots of marshmellows on top.
8. Jump Rope--My favorite was/is double dutch. B is totally getting into jump rope, but not the jumping part! He loves to turn the rope. At our home meeting this past week, he turned the rope for everyone to jump! It was a blast!
9. The Cosby Show
10. A spoon full of peanut butter--yummy!
11. Kraft Macaroni and Cheese--I loved that stuff, and shhh, don't tell anyone, but I still love it. I have many a time made homemade mac and cheese. . .ya know, the REAL stuff, but I still prefer Kraft's. . .pathetic, I know. . .but I was raised on it. My mom would work until 5ish (she was a teacher), and Dad came home even later, and that was the one thing I knew how to make by myself at 7 years old. Lots of fond memories with this item. Today I buy B organic Mac and Cheese to appease my conscience. . .but it still tastes like Kraft's Mac and Cheese.
12. HUGS. I love hugs!!!!!
13. Being tucked into bed. I make Sam tuck me into bed every night. . .I know, I am weird.

What have I outgrown? Here are a few things that come to mind:

1. Big Chief Chewing Gum
2. Tootsie Rolls
3. Coke
4. Little Debbie Snacks (let's just say we had plenty of those growing up!)
5. Ramen Noodlesoup
6. VH1
7. Oreo's
8. Sno Cones
9. T.V.--I really could live without it, but I don't think that is possible with someone else I live with :)
10. Seventeen Magazine--I was a subscriber all through high school (I can't believe my parent's paid for that stuff!)
11. Swatch Phone. . .it was cool then, but totally overrated.
12. Swatch watch--they were so cool back in the day
13. New Kids on the Block--I had magazine pages of them all over my room (I still can't believe my parent's let me do that--they must have known it was a phase!)

That's all I can think of. Tell me some of the stuff you still love and the stuff you have totally outgrown!