Monday, February 25, 2013

On a Whim

I bought this baby this past weekend on a whim. It's a BL9 Baby Lock sewing machine. It's at the bottom of the totem pole of sewing machines, but perfect for my sewing ability. Let me share how it happened.

Quick side note: I have realized one of the things I am good at is hanging out with people, socializing, and doing things that I wouldn't do on my own as long as it means being with people I care about, like going to a quilting expo.

Back to my story, my very good friend, Hannah, invited me to Quiltcon-a modern twist on quilting event. Let's just say you wouldn't find your grandma's quilt winning best in show at this venue. Nor would you find a single piece of boring, dreary, depressing, country-time fabric at the expo. I'm talking about quilters who know all about design, going outside the box, playing with color, dimension and texture. I would say these ladies and gents are true artists. I was inspired, seriously inspired.

Here is a sample of a super cool quilt by Lavialle Campbell called Red Concentrate
It won first place for Improvisation. 

I have a thing for colors and textures. I sometimes think that if I believed in reincarnation (let's be clear, I don't!), I would have been a textile designer, or a hoarder of fabric and paper, or even an artist. I tell my husband on occasion that there is so much potential in this brain of mine, but it can't seem to find it's why out in it's entirety. I'm just tapping into it here and there, and it overwhelms me with the passion I feel at that moment. It's weird.

However, I have an obstacle that I HAVE to overcome. I have this bad habit of starting something and never finishing it, never mastering it, or excelling at it. I get lazy and just stop. Just when I see myself getting good at something, I freak out and stop. I won't push myself. I think I am afraid of something, but not sure what exactly. Do you ever feel that way? I feel like potential energy. . . just sitting there with so much inside, but not moving at all. If only I could become kinetic energy and let myself work hard and discover what's inside of me and get a move on. More on this later.

I am giving sewing a chance. I've ALWAYS wanted to sew. ALWAYS. My mother knew how but decided not to teach me. . .go figure. So if sewing enters my life, something has to go, because I really don't have another me to sit around and sew while the other me does everything else.

In my next post I hope to share what's getting axed.

Until then, I leave you with this.

A shot of Kalalau Valley in Kauai
I was standing about 3 feet from the edge. I was scared to get any closer. . . .very scared to stand at the edge.Scared of falling. Scared because I am a mother and my kids need me. I hope one day, metaphorically, I can stand on the edge of whatever it is I want to pursue and let the scenery be mine, all mine.

Thursday, February 21, 2013

What am I good at?

It's interesting that the week before my 35th birthday, I find myself asking "What am I good at?" You would think that a grown woman my age would have had the answer to that question a long time ago, like when I went to college, or perhaps when I graduated college, or even better, after I had a family. Nope, not me, and I can't seem to figure out why. Perhaps I should just ask the people around me who know me and love me. That would be a good place to start? What am I good at?

I somehow have spent most of my adult life always comparing my self to others. As a young serving one fresh out of the FTTA, all I could do was compare myself. Then I got married to the only man who brings joy EVERY SINGLE DAY of my life. Yup, I found myself comparing myself to other wives. Then we had our first child, and it got ugly. I was never good enough as a mother. This is when I became really insecure. It was a time period in my life that I am so glad that stage is over. . .that chapter is closed! Fragile me has died (hopefully).

So, this brings me to today: 2 kids later, 2 jobs later, 2 houses later, and 4 haircuts later.
I finally feel comfortable in my own skin. I am happy with my body (I have finally accepted the fact that I will never have a flat stomach nor be taller nor have a longer neck or narrow shoulders. I have also learned to love my post baby body---2 cheers for me people!). I am happy with my marriage (for the record, I have always been happy with my marriage), happy with my two kids, happy that I drive a minivan (and not that slick BMW SUV) that's almost paid for, happy who my parents are (even though they aren't PhDs nor power attorneys but your average joes), and happy that I exist. I know my life counts for something.

However, I still don't know what I am good at.

I have had to juggle work and being a mother since I had my first child. It ain't easy. It's not a true story to think you can be a super mom and a super career woman. Sorry to burst your bubble. Juggling too many things at once is a disaster. You have to streamline your life in a big way.

So, I decided that I'm going to find out what I am good at.

I'm streamlining, baby!

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

My Life in 6 Words

I just came across Gabrielle Blair's post "Six Words." 

It got me thinking about writing, my blog, and my life.

I enjoy writing even thought I'm not very good at it.

I also read this the other day, and the article got me thinking again. About writing. About my goals.

Maybe I should take a writer's workshop and explore this outlet I so enjoy?

I'm scared though. . .I've never been really good at anything, well, except loving people.

Anyway, here is my life at the moment summed up in 6 words (not in any particular order). Eesh, that's not many words to describes one's life.

1. Children
2. Budget
3. Learning
4. Home
5. Love
6. Shepherding

Friday, February 3, 2012

I felt fed

I have had a rough month.

Actually, it's been a rough 7 months.

I won't share what's been going on because it's all still getting sorted out. I have lately found myself physically exhausted, emotionally drained and parched with thirst for I don't know what. Do you ever feel that way sometimes? You know, where there are circumstances in life you cannot change, or crossroads that seem perplex and confusing, or moments where you feel no one really understands you. Or maybe your heart just hurts.

You find yourself running an errand and you tear up. You push your child in the swing on a beautiful day and tears stream down. Or perhaps moments where you are just angry at the Lord so you turn up the volume to Katy Perry's Firework so that maybe, for a split second, you can actually feel like a firework. Or maybe you just dive into a book to forget reality or turn on the tv to watch an episode of Modern Family to laugh off the stresses of life. Or maybe you attempt in a humble spirit to actually touch the Lord but then condemn yourself for doing all the above instead of coming to Him as the Fountain of living waters.

Yeah. That's me.

So, I came to my end yesterday. I decided it was time to open up the Bible to catch up with my daily reading. I read Matthew chapters 20-22. Nothing special popped out. The clouds did not part and I did not hear His speaking, well, not in that way at least.

But a little miracle happened.

I was happy while driving to pick up my kindergartner.

I felt fed.

I was satisfied.

The Lord met my need, whatever it was, and I knew it was because of the Word of God.

So go ahead, open the Bible and let Him meet your need.